- Markshire PCs:
THOU SHALT NOT KICK A CAT!
Big Shamus McGee owned a rat,
And he trained it to do this and that . . .
It could stand on its head and it slept by his bed,
It was white, very smart and quite fat!
Throughout Foothold town he was held in renown,
Folks would whisper his name with acclaim.
A man of high station and great reputation,
T’was his rat that brought him this fame!
Old Molly McQuark once a maid for Lord Mark,
Now retired, collecting a pension . . .
Was jealous of Shamus because he was famous,
And now getting so much attention!
Molly hated his rat which could do this and that,
And thought her life better without it . . .
So she devised a plan to bring down the man,
And set out to do something about it!
She had a pet cat, a mean one at that,
And she starved it for over a week!
It not only got leaner, it also got meaner,
And desperate for something to eat!
Then the wicked old hag stuffed the cat in a bag
And set off to pay Shamus a call . . .
He’d no longer be famous, she cackled at that,
Because soon he’d have no rat at all!
She found him in town with a crowd gathered ‘round.
T’was a sight that was not hard to miss . . .
The rat stood in his hand, people thought it was grand,
When he’d say rat, do that, then do this!
Molly bent down, put her bag on the ground,
And carefully loosened the strings . . .
The mean cat streaked out, and the crowd gave a shout!
T’was as though the feline had wings!
It went straight for the rat, old Molly’s mean cat,
And with one gulp he swallowed it whole!
Molly then danced with glee, what a good cat was he!
Now I’ll give him some milk in a bowl!
Enraged now at that, Shamus kicked Molly’s cat
And he dealt it a forceful blow . . .
Its’ tummy full and lethargic, the cat tried to dodge it,
But alas was a little too slow!
Off the end of his shoe, out of Foothold it flew,
And it traveled up high and quite far.
People searched all around, the cat never was found,
But some say that it landed in Yar!
You’ll pay for that Shamus! I’ll make you un-famous!
Molly screamed and took aim at his loins . . .
Molly’s sight sure and true, Shamus moaned and said Oooh!
As she buried her boot in his groin!
Shamus thought he was dead, eyes rolled back in his head;
He let out a pitiful squeak . . .
His bass voice had fled; now soprano instead,
And it would stay that way for a week!
Now you can’t kick a cat . . . there’s a law governs that,
And all know there’s a punishment due.
In Cona’s dark mines now the man will spend time,
And they’ll chop off both bollocks now too!
Molly then spoke aloud to the crowd gathered ‘round,
“This man is a felon it’s clear!
Off to Hillar I’ll take him, a eunuch he’ll make him!”
Poor Shamus now quivered in fear!
To be continued . . . Part 2 The Trial of Shamus McGee!