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Sar’s Heroes and the Shaft Giver: Part V Akhulfiich’s Biich
Oh wise Grippli Shaman Frank, how can we destroy the evil bug?
Frank’s advice was to feed it poison or use some kind of drug.
So once again we collected his ingredients, some were rather rare,
But Frank asked for a bunch of these stones, he doesn’t really care.
At this point I was still sleeping in my bed roll nice and snug,
Everyone headed to MacGregor’s Ranch, but I fell behind like a slug.
I later agreed to go with them, there destination I was unaware,
I would soon find out we were heading to the Dragon Akhulfiich’s lair.
I was really thrown to the wolves or dragons in this particular case,
My agreement to join these dwarves and men I wish I could erase.
Kel, Belferon, Traudek, Walis and Durok are by no means unskilled,
I was getting the sneaking suspicion they were trying to get me killed.
Lead us through the dragon’s cave and sing, your destiny embrace,
Don’t forget, walk towards the dragon at a leasurely, but brisk pace.
With fear and overwhelming terror my beating heart was filled,
Did I mention that I thought they were all trying to get me killed!
As I trudged along, I sang a ballad that I’de made up in my head,
With each step I’d hear the dragon’s breath, increasing my dread.
Everyone is good at something, unfortunately singing is my niche,
Yes I am able to sing the correct notes at just the perfect pitch.
Suddenly I was, face to face with the dragon, spikes on his head,
Snow white scales, razor sharp claws, and his eyes were blood red.
The ferocious ancient wrym of Thrym Pass, the mighty Akhulphiich!
Trying to be brave, but sweating profusely, my face gave a slight twitch.
The walls shook as he spoke, “Who is that? Singing in my home.”
My voice cracked, “It is I Portales Penmanship, a singing gnome.”
“If you are here to steal my treasure, then I advise you to flee,
For if you should try I shall eat you all, you have my guarantee.”
“No mighty Akhulphiich that is not why we have come to your catacomb,
We would not think to take a piece of gold or a page from a tome.
We, Sar’s Heroes, are here on behalf of the Grippli, I promise thee,
They are beset by a monster who is killing their shafting giving tree.”
“You are entertaining gnome, I am usually unbelieveably bored,
For all day and night I sit, guarding an ever mounting treasure hoard.
I will answer your question, but first for each of you a difficult task.”
As the dragon spoke, my horror, I poorly attempted to mask.
“One must defeat me three times, using only weapon or sword.
Two must steal from the boggles a magic glove will be the reward.
Two must take a gem from the giants,” in our fear he continued to bask,
“And two more must recover a scroll from a lich, that is the price to ask.”
After much discussion, which is common, we went our separate ways,
Keliana and Sun-Ok head off into the boggles boggling maze.
The two dwarves headed for the gem, thinking they’d get rich,
Belferon agreed to fight the dragon right there in this dark ditch.
For his bravery, we all gave heroioc Belferon wonderous praise,
Honestly I just wanted to escape, away from the dragon’s hungry gaze.
Last of all, Walis and I were to get a scroll from an undead Lich,
UNDEAD!! On second thought is there anyone who’d like to switch?
*All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).