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(She’s removed the cup of tobacco juice from the table, and placed it in a far corner of her room. Now, when she spits tobacco juice at something, her aim is in fact quite good! But . . . it’s a small cup, and sits approximately eight feet away from where she’s penning her bio. You guessed it! The area ‘round the cup is now getting quite messy!)

let me see . . . where was I? Yesterday morn, I was sittin’ here writin ‘bout somethin’ what happened last week. Then yesterday afternoon I was sittin’ here writin’ ‘bout yesterday afternoon! Then last night I was writin ‘bout somethin’ what happened later yesterday afternoon! Now its today, and I’m getting’ ready ta writ ‘bout somethin’ what happened last week again!

Oh geez! It ain’t exactly no cup o’ tea tryin’ ta writ this thing! Me mind can’t get a good hold on it! Makin’ me dizzy it is! The thing is this! I ain’t so good with numbers and all the pages I writ is all mixed up now cause, well, I aint’ knowin’ the right numbers ta mark on ‘em! Those readin’ it’ll have to work it all out fer themselves!

Been thinkin’ ‘bout lookin’ ‘round fer a teacher to learn me ‘bout numbers. I know’s a few numbers. O’course number one I knows! And four too! I know’s the number four. After that, I ain’t so sure o’ what comes next. Ten I think. I knows ten is a high number. I figure if someone can teach me all the numbers up ta ten, and there must be at least fifteen o’ those, that’ll be fine with me. After all, if you have ten o’ something, that should be enough fer anyone, ya know?

Gettin’ back to me story, ‘bout Axel-Flinch the dragon now. Well we all col . . coll . . . we got all the things he was wantin’ and marched off to his cave in the pass. We handed everything over to him, he checked all o’ it off on a list, makin’ sure we’d left nothin’ out and then he handed Bel back to us.

But let me ask yuh? What the hel is he gonna do with a pair o’ boogle gloves that’s ‘bout five sizes too small fer him? Tis a silly thing fer him to be wantin’ those gloves I’m thinkin’. Anyways, like he promised, he gave us a few tips ‘bout how ta kill the huge bug, what was munchin’ away on the roots of the shaftin’ tree.

I gotta say one more thing ‘bout that last visit to see the dragon. I’m sayin’ it now. Awful-Flux gave Bel back to us right? He also gave us a few secrets on how ta kill the bug, right? And Bel walloped him good three times, right? So . . . we’s kind o’ done with him now, right? And this dragon’s standin’ there watchin’ us, and behind him I’m seein’ at least three, mayhap seven boxes, all filled up with his dragon treasure!

So I whispers to Walis, that we ought to . . . and there’s at least nine ‘o us, against only one o’ him . . . ya know? Well, the man turned as white as a sheet he did! I thought he was gonna fall right down on the floor o’ the cave in a faint at the thought o’ that! So . . . I just let it go.
I just don’t understand men I guess. Sometimes they’s such wimps!