- Markshire PCs:
We ainâ€™t walked more than ten paces, when we came across a big, gapinâ€™ hole in the road what I ainâ€™t noticed the last time we journeyed through this part oâ€™ the pass. I figured it must be Thrymâ€™s doinâ€™. Yup! Mean and grouchy as a badger, that Thrym! Always lookinâ€™ to make things thorny fer anybody whatâ€™s trapsinâ€™ through his damn pass!
Ainâ€™t nobody asked me, but Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™ the world would be a much happier place and Thrym would be havinâ€™ a lot better temperament, if him and Thor had sat down and worked things out a little better ages ago, when he run off with Thorâ€™s hammer. What Thrym really wanted to be runninâ€™ off with was one oâ€™ Thorâ€™s wives!
Iâ€™m sure everyone remembers that tale! You know, the one where the god oâ€™ all the giants, Thrym was wantinâ€™ the beautiful goddess Freyja for his own, but she already was wedded to Thor, and accordinâ€™ to the official story, the one they puts out for public con . . .consum . . . uh, the one what regular folks is supposed to read, Frejya had a happy marriage and ainâ€™t wanted nothinâ€™ at all to do with Thrym!
Thrym clipped Thorâ€™s hammer, thinkinâ€™ he would be able to trade it back to him, even up fer Freyja, but Thor told him, no dice, and in the end, Thrym and Loki wound up havinâ€™ to make a trip to Thrymâ€™s castle wearinâ€™ disguises, killinâ€™ all the giants in the castle, and takinâ€™ the damn hammer back by force!
That was kind of an abridged version oâ€™ the story, you know? And the only part oâ€™ it whatâ€™s accu . . . uh, really true is the part where Thrym pinched Thorâ€™s hammer, and Thor, along with Loki, wore disguises! The rest is pure malarkey! Thor ainâ€™t never went nowhere near Thrymâ€™s castle, and Freyja . . well I got the real story straight outta me grand maâ€™s mouth! And she ainâ€™t never told a fib â€˜bout nothin!
You see, what really happened is that Thrym did have a thing fer Freyja, a beautiful goddess who by sheer chance, like I told ya, happened to be married to Thor! But even though she already had a husband, she ainâ€™t liked him much cause he ainâ€™t paid no attention to her whatsoever!
Thrym was her true love! Oh, she had eyes fer him, she did, and they was involved in a rom . . .uh, a roman . . . uh, they was seeinâ€™ each other on the side!
Anyways, one day as Thor was strollinâ€™ through his lovely garden behind the castle what he kept full oâ€™ pretty flowers in a rainbow oâ€™ different colors, along with assorted shrubbery, he caught the two oâ€™ â€˜em . . . uh, well, letâ€™s say Thrym and Freyja wasnâ€™t just sittinâ€™ there under the apple tree havinâ€™ a nice chat â€˜bout the weather!
Thor became enraged and began stompinâ€™ on all the beautiful flowers heâ€™d planted, even tearinâ€™ up the shrubbery and pullinâ€™ down all the green ivy what was growinâ€™ so nicely up the walls oâ€™ the castle! Oh geez! He was in an awful snit! After wreckinâ€™ his garden, Thor demanded Thrym leave the grounds immediately and told him never to come back no more! Ever!
Then Thor went and socked poor Freyja in the eye; the bruise and the swellinâ€™ lastinâ€™ fer well over a month!
As he was makinâ€™ his way outta Thorâ€™s castle, Thrym spotted Thorâ€™s favorite hammer sittinâ€™ over a mantle in the main hall, balanced atop two large wooden pegs what Thor had driven into the mortar between the stones.
And that hammer had some magic wove into it! Thor was able to toss it at an enemy, bonkinâ€™ him on the head, then that hammerâ€™d snap right back into his hand again, allowinâ€™ him to throw it quick at somethin’ else! Thor even had a name fer the damn thing! He called it â€˜Mjolnirâ€™!
Well, when Thrym seen that special hammer what belonged to Thor, he reached up, plucked it off the pegs and hid it away, under his cloak, then ran like hel outta the place! And let me tell you . . . gods can run really fast!!
Thrym knew how much Thor liked that hammer and he figured if he held onto it long enough, Thor would be dearly missinâ€™ it and he might be able to bargin with Thor â€˜bout tradinâ€™ the damn hammer back to him for Frejya! Well . . . Thor wasnâ€™t havinâ€™ none oâ€™ that, but he really liked that hammer a lot and wanted it back. So he sat down with Loki, another powerful god who was a very good friend oâ€™ his, and the two oâ€™ â€˜em began plottinâ€™ and schemingâ€™ â€˜bout how theyâ€™d be able to get back the hammer.
Oâ€™course Thor also wanted to keep Freyja as his wife, â€˜cause she was a really good cook . . . even though he ainâ€™t ever loved her one little bit!
What Thor and Loki done was plan a wedding. Well, actually, tâ€™was the god Heimdall who came up with the idea and he done most oâ€™ the planninâ€™. Ya see, Thor and Loki wasnâ€™t exactly the two brightest candles in the candelabra, you know? â€˜Course the whole thing was a sham. Thor was gonna dress himself up to look like Freyjaâ€”which was kinda hard to doâ€”beinâ€™ he was â€˜bout three times her size, and Loki would disguise himself too, and would masquerade as Thorâ€™s bridesmaid!
Then Thor sent a messenger off to Thrym carryinâ€™ a note, along with an invitation. The invite was all fancy with swirly writinâ€™ all done in a neat hand by a calli . . . calligra . . . . uh, some monk what was kidnapped from one oâ€™ the islands far to the south oâ€™ here, who was good at drawinâ€™ letters.
In the note Thor told Thrym he really missed that hammer and wanted it back so badly heâ€™d decided to settle their differences and heâ€™d agree to swapâ€™ Freyja fer it. Not only that, but heâ€™d arranged a big weddinâ€™ cer . . .cerem . . . ceremo . . . uh, party for the two oâ€™ â€˜em so they could be married proper like! The weddinâ€™ was to take place in three days!
Well, when Thrym read the message his heart began poundinâ€™ and he jumped fer joy knowinâ€™ soon heâ€™d be spendinâ€™ the rest oâ€™ his days with the woman he truly loved! He then began layinâ€™ out his fanciest clothes, preparinâ€™ for the big event, all the while, whistlinâ€™ a happy tune to himself!
â€˜Course all this time no one thought to ask Freyja how she was feelinâ€™ â€˜bout the whole thing. Nope! Thor had Freyja locked tight in a little room at the very top oâ€™ his castle! The cell had only one tiny window, and it was placed so high up on the wall, she wasnâ€™t able to see out oâ€™ it!
She had a heavy iron chain danglinâ€™ from a collar â€˜round her neck what was bolted fast to one oâ€™ the stone walls and an even heavier iron belt what was sealed with a big padlock, encirclinâ€™ another part oâ€™ her body! She ainâ€™t had the slightest idea â€˜bout the scheme what Thor and Loki was cookinâ€™ up to get back his damn hammer!
Nope! Nobody told her a thing! She couldnâ€™t even get no information outta the fella what shoved a bit oâ€™ food under the door every morninâ€™ keepinâ€™ her from starvinâ€™ to death! Poor Freyja spent her days in sadness, sheddinâ€™ tear after tear, pining away, thinkinâ€™ only â€˜bout Thrym, about how much she loved him, and wonderinâ€™ if sheâ€™d ever see him again.
Anyways, the big day finally came and that morninâ€™ Thrym jauntily strode up to Thorâ€™s castle, sportinâ€™ his best finery and even wearinâ€™ a new pair oâ€™ boots! His heart was full oâ€™ joy and happiness, his right arm wrapped tight â€˜round â€˜bout elevendy dozen long stemmed roses, for his betrothed, and swinginâ€™ Thorâ€™s hammer in his left hand.
But Thorâ€™s footmen was told not to let him into the great hall right away. Before he could enter the hall, each footman, in turn, was instructed to make a toast to the new groom to be, with a special brewed ale what Thor had brought up from the cellars deep under the castle for the celebration!
Oâ€™ course Thor knew Thrym was never one to pass up drinkinâ€™ a special brewed ale. Well . . . Thor had a whole bunch oâ€™ footmen . . . scads oâ€™ footmen in fact! By the time everyone had finished their toastinâ€™ â€˜bout four hours had passed. Thrymâ€™s legs was now kinda wobbly from all that drinkinâ€™ and he wasnâ€™t seeinâ€™ so good either. Tâ€™was then, the footman led him into the great hall where the weddinâ€™ was to take place.
Thrym took a seat right next to his bride to be, who oâ€™course was really Thor, made up to look like his beloved Freyja. Poor Thrym was so drunk he ainâ€™t knowed the difference, but did get a little suspicious after watchinâ€™ her go about eatinâ€™ a whole ox all by herself! Loki, playinâ€™ the part oâ€™ Freyjaâ€™s bridesmaid, explained to Thrym, all the excitement oâ€™ the day had gotten to her and given her a ravenous appetite!
Thrym kept askinâ€™ where the hel Thor was . . . wantinâ€™ to thank him for agreeinâ€™ to part with his lovely wife. The bridesmaid, who was really Loki, told Thrym that Thor would be along shortly, to claim his hammer and wish them well.
Loki commented â€˜bout the hammer beinâ€™ heavy and surely Thrym was tired oâ€™ lugginâ€™ the damn thing around all day. Loki gestured to a small table with nothinâ€™ on it, sittinâ€™ just behind the bride-to-be â€” who was really Thorâ€”and said, â€œLay it on that table over there, why donâ€™t you!â€ Sure enough, Thrym got up and plunked the hammer what he stole from Thor, down on that little table!
Well . . . soon as he done that, quick as a wink, Thor threw off his disguises, grabbed his hammer off oâ€™ that table and began wavinâ€™ it all about, a triumphant look on his face! Than Thor, Loki and a bunch oâ€™ their lackeys ganged up on Thrym, throwinâ€™ him outta the castle for a second time, and banishinâ€™ him forever from it!!
Now itâ€™s truly a sad thing, but as far as I know, Thrym and Freyja ainâ€™t never seen each other again. Thatâ€™s why Thrymâ€™s always in such a snit and full oâ€™ meanness Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™. In a way I donâ€™t blame him fer beinâ€™ like that, you know?
I guess Thor was happy as a lark beinâ€™ he got his hammer back and got to keep his wife, but he ainâ€™t never planted nothinâ€™ else in that garden oâ€™ his, what he destroyed. Nope! To this day that land behind the castle still lies fallow and he donâ€™t even go back there no more.
As far as Freyja . . . well Thor couldnâ€™tâ€™ keep her locked up in that tower forever. I mean, after all, she was a goddess and had considerable power oâ€™ her own. I heard she still cooks fer him though. I also heard she tried to kill Thor by sprinklinâ€™ poison in his meals â€˜bout five or mayhap nine times over the years. But . . . everyone knows you ainâ€™t able to kill a god as powerful as Thor with poison!
Some folks tell me that each time she done it, she did manage to make him dreadfully sick! And those who know, says Thor eats out a lot!
And there it is! The true story about Thor, Thrym, Freyja, Loki and the damn hammer! Straight off oâ€™ me grand maâ€™s lips and onto this piece oâ€™ parchment!
Now where the hel was I? Oh! I know! The hole in the pass! Well . . . anyways, Jon ainâ€™t seen the hole straight off, and woulda tumbled down into it â€˜cept Ithoz made a quick grab fer his cloak and yanked him back, away from the edge. Ya know, aside from havinâ€™ a brain â€˜bout the size oâ€™ a peanut Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™ Jonâ€™s got bad eyes too. I thinks he has that eye ailment they calls guacamole, or somethinâ€™ like that.