Re: Thou shalt not Kick a Cat Part 2

Home Forums Markshire’s Who’s Who PC Biographies The day the birds left Deven Re: Thou shalt not Kick a Cat Part 2

  • Markshire PCs:

THOU SHALT NOT KICK A CAT! PART 2 The Trial of Shamus McGee

So to Hillar she went, Shamus cross-eyed and bent,
Molly dragged him along by his ear . . .
And all those that did see, would her witnesses be,
To the crime that had just happened here.

Molly thought to herself, I’m a smart little elf!
To perfection my plan worked at last!
I’ll rob him of fame; soon sully his name,
With his rat now a thing of the past!

People all milled about while he sorted it out,
As to who did what and to whom . . .
Than Hillar’s gavel came down, three times did it pound,
And a silence fell over the room!

“To all gathered here, the evidence clear!
Shamus did commit a transgression . . .
He’s kicked Molly’s cat ‘tis a felony that,
Why the man’s even signed a confession!

All witnesses heard, I’ve gone over each word
And I now have a ruling for you!
He’ll receive, by my hand, a stiff reprimand,
And then he’ll be disciplined too!

But I see no indication of pre-meditation,
And his punishment . . . ‘Fair’ . . . it should be!
I’ll not take two, just one bollock from you,
And I’ll make it a Felony B!”

When Molly heard the word, ‘Fair’ she started to swear,
And held up a large tome in her hand . . .
T’was a borrowed selection from Lord Mark’s collection,
A book titled, “Laws of the Land.”

“You must be absurd! Fair’s not even a word!
You’ll find it nowhere in this book!”
She stifled her rage, and turned page after page . .
“And you’re welcome to come take a look!”

And look they all did . . . the word ‘Fair’ was not found,
After searching from Fable to Futtocks . . .
Molly said, “It’s quite clear, that word just aint’ here,
I demand you take both of his bollocks!”

“Tis a dangerous folly to challenge me Molly!”
As Hillar unlocked a large case. . .
He pulled out an old copy, pages yellowed and floppy,
Of the tome Molly waved in his face!

“The word “Fairness” won’t do? It does not please you?
By all means, I’ll then pick another!
I’ll choose ‘Equity’! Both the same do they be!
Why the two are like sister and brother!

Fairness and Law dance together, you see,
And to all gathered here should be plain . . .
That without both, soon rage and rebellion there’d be,
And in the end, only chaos would reign!

Yes, without equity, injustice there’ll be,
And history proves this is true . . .
Now step up to this bench, you wicked old wench,
Let me practice my ‘Fairness’ on you!

You’ve not done a crime so you’ll do no time,
For you Molly there’ll be no confinement . . .
But no longer neutral, now evil you’ll be,
‘cause I’m going to change your alignment!

Yes hate is your game and envy your claim
And to hurt Shamus you did conspire!
Its attention you want, now attention you’ll get,
From all your new friends in the Spire!

There’s one other thing too, that damm book’s overdue!
The one you’ve been waving about!
Fifty gold I will fine you! Pay the bailiff behind you,
By the door as you make your way out!”

When they hauled Shamus away, not a word did he say . . .
Not a squeak, or a groan or a shout . . .
He missed the whole trial, was asleep all the while;
He’d turned a nice color green and passed out!


In time the cat was found and can be seen frequently wandering about in Stonemark’s Market Square near Elsie’s Fruit and Vegetable Stand. As far as anyone can tell, it never ate a rat again and has become a vegetarian.

Molly on the other hand was never seen again. Rumor has it she took up with a man called Vaston Evergreen and they are living quite happily together. Of course that’s only a rumor, mind you!

Shamus recovered nicely from his “Operation” and in an odd way, regained the fame he’d lost when his rat was eaten. You see, his bass voice did change a bit. Oh no! Not to Soprano if that’s what you’re thinking! It did go up, but not quite that high.

Shamus joined Father Ryches’ Temple Choir as a lyric tenor, eventually became the soloist, and he is in much demand as a singer for weddings, parties, and the like.

OOC: Futtock n: One of the curved timbers scarfed together to form the lower part of the compound rib of a ship.

OOC: Thank you Mr. Pale for giving me the idea for all the silliness above. 🙂
Judge not your friends by outward show . . .
The feather floats, the pearl lies low . . .