- April 19, 2008 at 11:37 pm #32906
Well here I go! I got enough oâ€™ me letters learned now soâ€™s I can make a proper record oâ€™ the crazy things goinâ€™ on â€˜round this place! First off, weâ€™s all helpinâ€™ Frank, who is a grippli, which is just another name fer a frog. I think it ainâ€™t his real name. Probably short fer Franklin. I never heard oâ€™ a frog named Frank.
Anyway, thereâ€™s a bunch oâ€™ these frogs livinâ€™ in a camp far out in the woods someplace. I aintâ€™ sure where exactly. I gotta follow someone to get there myself!
They got this tree, see . . . and it gives â€˜em shafts or somethinâ€™ which they needs, so they can make arrows . . . I think. Anyways, their tree was sick â€˜cause a huge bug was chewinâ€™ on the roots and suckinâ€™ the life outta it!
Well . . . me, Bel, Port, Durok, Sun, Voran, Walis and me and Bel, climbed down a hole and whacked that bug somethinâ€™ fierce! I think Port was there too, scribblinâ€™ away. Durok too. â€˜cept he was whackinâ€™, not scribblinâ€™. Maybe Kamas and Traudek was there. Ainâ€™t sure. I hope I ainâ€™t left anyone out â€˜o the story.
Well let me tell ya! No matter how much we walloped the bug, we didnâ€™t put a dent in him even! He just kept gnawinâ€™ away at the roots, ign . . .igno . . . uh . . . . payinâ€™ no attention to us at all!
Frank the frog, seen all oâ€™ this too! He told us we might be able to get some ideas â€˜bout how to kill the bug, from an old dragon whoâ€™s name was Awful-Itch, or somethinâ€™ like that. He lived in a cave somewhere in Thrym Pass.
Yup! You guessed it! Last night we all set off ta see this dra . . . . . . . . . (Runs out of ink and utters a few really bad words!)April 20, 2008 at 3:29 pm #56215
Did ya know ya can writ a thing down usinâ€™ tobacco juice instead oâ€™ ink? Yup! I just found it out! Ainâ€™t ever buyinâ€™ ink again! Got a little cup I spits into, sittinâ€™ right here on the table where Iâ€™m writinâ€™! Dippinâ€™ me quill into it now I is! I can make a fine letter with it!
Well, where was I? Oh yes! The dragon! Anyways, we went traipsinâ€™ off to see this Awful-Itch, livinâ€™ in his cave out in Thrymâ€™s Pass like I told ya.
Me and all the boys! Was at least fourteen oâ€™ us! Uh . . . mayhap five or six. I ainâ€™t so good at countinâ€™ things. And Sun too. Sun ainâ€™t no boy. Tough little lady she is! Good with a bow! Me . . . I ainâ€™t got no use fer a bow. Got one, but donâ€™t use it much. Canâ€™t hit a damm thing with it anyways.
Probably help if I opened me eyes when Iâ€™m shootinâ€™ but I always closes my eyes tight when Iâ€™m battlinâ€™ somethinâ€™. Canâ€™t help it. Seems to work fer me so I ainâ€™t about to change nothinâ€™.
So, we gets to the cave in the pass where this dragonâ€™s supposed to be stayinâ€™ and I thought Iâ€™d announce our cominâ€™ and I yelled his name I did! I figured mayhap heâ€™s sleepinâ€™ or somethinâ€™ ya know? I mean, why supprise him? Howâ€™d you like it if you opened yer eyes and seen a bunch oâ€™ people standinâ€™ â€˜round ya with their weapons drawn? I know if tâ€™was me wakinâ€™ up, itâ€™d put me in an awful snit!
Well! Youâ€™d think I set a fire in Father Rychyâ€™s office! Everyone tellinâ€™me ta be quiet, shut up, on and on like that! Walis even put his hand over me mouth he did! Oh . . . I bit him good! Hope his fingers is sore fer a week!
To make a short story outta a long story, we seen the dragon. He was already awake. We talked to him a bit. Good with words he was! Sounded very ed . . . edu . . . educa . . . . well, he was good with words and Iâ€™ll leave it at that. After some dancinâ€™ â€˜round the issue a bit, he told us he might be able to help us with the shaftinâ€™ tree! But . . . weâ€™d haveâ€™ta collect a few things for him first. Ah! Thereâ€™s always a rub when yer dealinâ€™ with a dragon!
Oh geez! Missed the damm cup! Just spit a huge glob oâ€™ tobacco juice right in the middle oâ€™ my writinâ€™! Canâ€™t wipe it, itâ€™ll smudge! Iâ€™ll have to wait till it dries before I get on to the rest!April 20, 2008 at 4:14 pm #56216
Ahh! Good! Ainâ€™t left much oâ€™ a mark on the parchment at all!
Anyways, Axel- Fix, he give us a list oâ€™ things he wanted. Why he wanted â€˜em I ainâ€™t got no idea. A scroll from some lich livinâ€™ in a crypt under Yar. A gem from some giants. Where they was livinâ€™ I donâ€™t know. And a pair oâ€™ gloves from the king oâ€™ the boogles.
I think I might oâ€™ spelled â€˜booglesâ€™ wrong, but . . . I like the way it sounds when I read it back to meself. Ya know? Boo-gles!
But the damm dragon wanted even more, he did!! Wait tilâ€™ ya hear this part! One oâ€™ us, he didnâ€™t seem to care who, had to defeat him in battle, three times!! Now threeâ€™s a bigger number then one! Even I know that!
We took a vote, and decided ta give this task ta Bel. Well . . .he was just standin â€˜round lookinâ€™ like he was half asleep, ya know? Most men is like that. Always lookin as though theyâ€™s half asleep. Yup! Theyâ€™s either stirinâ€™ up trouble, or walkinâ€™ â€˜round half asleep.
(Spits into her cup again before she continues on with the battle between Bel and the Dragon)April 20, 2008 at 6:56 pm #56217
With that settled, Bel and the Dragon then starts to circle â€˜round each other like two foxes gettinâ€™ ready ta raid a pen full oâ€™ chickens!
All the time, both oâ€™ them tryinâ€™ hard not to step on Traudek, who had fallinâ€™ asleep right in the middle oâ€™ the floor! They stopped their circlinâ€™, eyed each other a moment . . .
then all hel broke loose! Oh geez! The noise oâ€™ it! The dragon bellowinâ€™, shootinâ€™ a gassy fire outta his mouth, tryinâ€™ ta burn poor Bel to a crisp! Bel dancinâ€™ and dodginâ€™ this way and that and screaminâ€™ curses at the top oâ€™ his lungs at Ekel-Foot! Then lunginâ€™ at the dragon, choppinâ€™ away at his feet!
The two oâ€™ them banginâ€™ and bouncinâ€™and bumpinâ€™off the walls oâ€™ the cave! Those pointy things stickinâ€™ out oâ€™ the roof crashinâ€™ down on us from all the vibrations Bel and the Dragon was causinâ€™! Sun, standinâ€™ there, popinâ€™ almonds into her mouth like she ainâ€™t had a care in the world or meal in weeks!
Me and Durok, with our swords ready, waitinâ€™ for the right moment ta rush in and rescue Bell! Port, scribblinâ€™ away as fast as he could! Walis, sulkinâ€™ in a corner, nursinâ€™ his fingers which I had chewed on a bit earlier . . . and on and on!
(The goop in her cup is running low so she pops another plug of tobacco into her mouth)April 21, 2008 at 1:21 am #56218
(Sheâ€™s paused with her penning for the moment and is now staring at the cup full of tobacco juice on the table beside her.)
Hmm. I ainâ€™t never seen so much oâ€™ it in one place like that. I never collected it before like this. Its really disgustinâ€™ lookinâ€™. Stinky too. Smellinâ€™ up me writin it is!
Usually, when I spits it out I ainâ€™t watchinâ€™ in particular, where its goinâ€™ ya know? Sometimes I gets in trouble fer that. Especially with Ryche. I spit a few times on the Temple floor. Well geez! The way he carries on â€˜bout it, youâ€™d think I was banginâ€™ on the Temple walls with a big hammer, tryinâ€™ ta bring it all down atop his damm head!
Fun ta have him chase me though! He always gets tangled up in his robes and falls down flat on his face! One time he chased me half way to Yar! Heâ€™d trip and fall, Iâ€™d stop and wait fer him, laughin’ all the while! Heâ€™d pick himself up, shake his fist, scream some very un-priestly things at me, then the both oâ€™ us would start runninâ€™ all over again!
A few times I even helped him up! Heâ€™d give me a proper thank you, and off weâ€™d go! Him chasin’, me runnin’!
Ya know . . . Sometimes I think he’s enjoyin’ it just as much as me!
Now . . . where was I? Oh Bel and the Dragon!April 21, 2008 at 5:05 pm #56219
Well I know ya ainâ€™t gonna believe a word oâ€™ this, but as sure as Iâ€™m sittinâ€™ here scratchin’ out me story on this piece o’ parchment, Bel put down Axel-Fix the dragon not one, but three times!!
Oh, Bel whacked him good he did! With no help from any oâ€™ us! Heâ€™s good at swinginâ€™ a weapon, Iâ€™ll say that fer him! But that wasnâ€™t enough fer the damm dragon! He kept addinâ€™ more things on ta the list oâ€™ stuff he wanted from us!
And then he decided he was gonna keep poor Bel with him right there in the cave! He told us we could have Bel back when we brung him all the things heâ€™d asked for! So . . . there wasnâ€™t much we could do â€˜bout that, ya know? Well short oâ€™ killinâ€™ the dragon anyways.
But if we killed him . . . well, ya canâ€™t get no secrets â€˜bout how ta stop the bug from chompinâ€™ on the roots oâ€™ the shaftinâ€™ tree from a dead dragon, ya know?
So, we said our goodbyes ta Bel, promised him weâ€™d be back as soon as we could, then we all went off ta look fer the things the dragon needed.
(Looks at the cup of tobacco juice, reaches over, and pushes it a little further away, sighs and shakes her head.)April 21, 2008 at 6:50 pm #56220
I stepped out ta get a bite ta eat and rest me hand from crampinâ€™ up. I ainâ€™t used to all this writin Iâ€™m doinâ€™ ya know? Well, I just met Sun and Kyri standinâ€™ in front oâ€™ the Temple in Foothold.
Theyâ€™s wantinâ€™ to make a journey ta Arik later. Theyâ€™s gonna sit down and have a cup oâ€™ tea with old Father McGregger they says! It seems heâ€™s got a lantern or something, Frank the frog is needinâ€™. I donâ€™t think theyâ€™s invited, and Iâ€™m fairly sure McGregger ainâ€™t wantinâ€™ ta share his tea with no one.
Ya see . . . I met him once before. A grouchy old coot he is! But Iâ€™m gonna tag along with â€˜em anyways. Iâ€™ll let ya know how it all turns out.April 21, 2008 at 8:30 pm #56221
Me and Sun then set off ta fetch the gloves what belonged to the King oâ€™ the boogles. I know, I writ that before. Anyways, Off we went, neither oâ€™ us knowinâ€™ exactly where the boogle cave was.
I think Sunâ€™s at least as bad as me at findinâ€™ places. I had an old map I once made oâ€™ how to get there but I forgot ta mark which end oâ€™ it was up. But when we found a stream that Iâ€™d sketched out with a little squiggle on the parchment, me and Sun knew we was gettinâ€™ kinda close to the Ogre Fortress.
Now, acordinâ€™ to my map, we either had ta go south east . . . or north west, dependinâ€™ on how ya was holdinâ€™ the map. We picked south east and there it was! The Ogre Fortress!
We musta killed at least ninety seven oâ€™ those ogres between us, before me and Sun got to the middle oâ€™ the courtyard! Mayhap sixty three oâ€™ â€˜em! Which ever number is bigger.
Then we tore down the steps leadinâ€™ to the mines, and before ya knew it, we was sloshinâ€™ through a long tunnel full oâ€™ foul smellinâ€™ water. I think mayhap the Ogre Castleâ€™s sewers must drain into it from somewhere. Ya know, I been in this tunnel before, and deep into the mines beyond the tunnel, but I ainâ€™t never seen so many boogles in my life as there was that night!
They must oâ€™ been havinâ€™ a convention or somethinâ€™! They was cominâ€™ at us from all directions! Even droppinâ€™ down on us from off oâ€™ the roof! And Sun . . . well, the girl just donâ€™t miss with that bow oâ€™ hers! We fought our way deeper and deeper and finally, with the two oâ€™ us exhausted and almost outta healinâ€™ kits, leaninâ€™ on each other ta keep from fallinâ€™ down in a heap, there he was! The king oâ€™ all the boogles! Standinâ€™ there in front oâ€™ us, proud as punch, hands on his hips, just darinâ€™ us ta take those gloves away from him!
It was the way he was standinâ€™ all puffed up and feelin’ so good about himself, that gave us the energy to whack him hard, and down he went! But he had no gloves on him. We looked around a bit and Sun found a box sittinâ€™ behind some huge chunks oâ€™ ice.
We both cleared the ice, she popped the box open and glory be! The boogle kingâ€™s gloves was right there in the box! She grabbed â€˜em quick, stuffed â€˜em in a safe place, and we made our way out oâ€™ the mines, and back to Foothold.April 22, 2008 at 3:53 am #56222
Late this afternoon, Bel, Walis, Kyri and me and Bel and Walis decided ta make that trip out to Arik to have that cup oâ€™ tea with Father McGregger like I mentioned earlier.
Well, that part oâ€™ it went well enough, although when we got there, the good Father let us know straight off, weâ€™d get no damm tea from him, and the only thing heâ€™d be givinâ€™ us was a one way ticket ta hel! After sayinâ€™ that, he tried his best ta murder all of us while we was standinâ€™ right in the middle oâ€™ his livinâ€™ room! A nasty man, that McGregger!
He started whackinâ€™ and we whacked right back. He ainâ€™t had a chance. We put him down quick. There was too many oâ€™ us, ya see. Besides, Kyri had her friend Charlie along too. And we all know what Charlie is capable of! I think McGreggerâ€™s just gettinâ€™ old, ya know?
Anyway, we tore his place apart lookinâ€™ fer the damm lantern what we needs fer Frank the frog and we ainâ€™t seen no lantern there at all.
We was all kinda upset â€˜bout not findinâ€™ it and all oâ€™ us was just itchinâ€™ ta whack somethinâ€™, so we figured it was a good time ta clean out the Giant Shaman Head Quarters which is up the road a bit from McGregger’s home. Well I ainâ€™t sayinâ€™ much about that, except at least we all got our tea.
Yup! Garm brewed a pot for us! He just set it down on a rock and the water boiled right quick! We sat there with him the rest â€˜o the day just starinâ€™ into our cups. None oâ€™ us had much ta say.April 22, 2008 at 4:55 pm #56223
(Sheâ€™s removed the cup of tobacco juice from the table, and placed it in a far corner of her room. Now, when she spits tobacco juice at something, her aim is in fact quite good! But . . . itâ€™s a small cup, and sits approximately eight feet away from where sheâ€™s penning her bio. You guessed it! The area â€˜round the cup is now getting quite messy!)
let me see . . . where was I? Yesterday morn, I was sittinâ€™ here writin â€˜bout somethinâ€™ what happened last week. Then yesterday afternoon I was sittinâ€™ here writinâ€™ â€˜bout yesterday afternoon! Then last night I was writin â€˜bout somethinâ€™ what happened later yesterday afternoon! Now its today, and Iâ€™m gettingâ€™ ready ta writ â€˜bout somethinâ€™ what happened last week again!
Oh geez! It ainâ€™t exactly no cup oâ€™ tea tryinâ€™ ta writ this thing! Me mind canâ€™t get a good hold on it! Makinâ€™ me dizzy it is! The thing is this! I ainâ€™t so good with numbers and all the pages I writ is all mixed up now cause, well, I aintâ€™ knowinâ€™ the right numbers ta mark on â€˜em! Those readinâ€™ itâ€™ll have to work it all out fer themselves!
Been thinkinâ€™ â€˜bout lookinâ€™ â€˜round fer a teacher to learn me â€˜bout numbers. I knowâ€™s a few numbers. Oâ€™course number one I knows! And four too! I knowâ€™s the number four. After that, I ainâ€™t so sure oâ€™ what comes next. Ten I think. I knows ten is a high number. I figure if someone can teach me all the numbers up ta ten, and there must be at least fifteen o’ those, thatâ€™ll be fine with me. After all, if you have ten oâ€™ something, that should be enough fer anyone, ya know?
Gettinâ€™ back to me story, â€˜bout Axel-Flinch the dragon now. Well we all col . . coll . . . we got all the things he was wantinâ€™ and marched off to his cave in the pass. We handed everything over to him, he checked all oâ€™ it off on a list, makinâ€™ sure weâ€™d left nothinâ€™ out and then he handed Bel back to us.
But let me ask yuh? What the hel is he gonna do with a pair oâ€™ boogle gloves thatâ€™s â€˜bout five sizes too small fer him? Tis a silly thing fer him to be wantinâ€™ those gloves Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™. Anyways, like he promised, he gave us a few tips â€˜bout how ta kill the huge bug, what was munchinâ€™ away on the roots of the shaftinâ€™ tree.
I gotta say one more thing â€˜bout that last visit to see the dragon. Iâ€™m sayinâ€™ it now. Awful-Flux gave Bel back to us right? He also gave us a few secrets on how ta kill the bug, right? And Bel walloped him good three times, right? So . . . weâ€™s kind oâ€™ done with him now, right? And this dragonâ€™s standinâ€™ there watchinâ€™ us, and behind him Iâ€™m seeinâ€™ at least three, mayhap seven boxes, all filled up with his dragon treasure!
So I whispers to Walis, that we ought to . . . and thereâ€™s at least nine â€˜o us, against only one oâ€™ him . . . ya know? Well, the man turned as white as a sheet he did! I thought he was gonna fall right down on the floor oâ€™ the cave in a faint at the thought oâ€™ that! So . . . I just let it go.
I just donâ€™t understand men I guess. Sometimes theyâ€™s such wimps!April 23, 2008 at 5:21 pm #56224
Well, now havinâ€™ all oâ€™ Nuckle-Flaxesâ€™ secrets on how ta kill the bug what was nibbilinâ€™ away on the roots oâ€™ the shaftinâ€™ tree, the whole bunch oâ€™ us made our way to the Dragon Inn, a quaint little place, sittinâ€™ on a hill not far from the entrance to the Foothold mines.
Seems itâ€™s the only way youâ€™re able ta get to where Frank and the rest oâ€™ the frogs is camped. Now, donâ€™t ask me why the hel that is cause I ainâ€™t got no answer fer ya! We all squeezed into Barrelgoreâ€™s kitchen, then we closed our eyes real tight, and tapped our heels together three times.
At least thatâ€™s what I did! Donâ€™t know what the rest oâ€™ our group done cause me eyes was closed tight, ya know? Anyways, when we opened our eyes, there we was! Standinâ€™ right in the middle oâ€™ Franklinâ€™s camp! Must be some kind oâ€™ magic beinâ€™ used to do that. I hates magic. It just ainâ€™t dependable, ya know? Sometimes it works, sometimes it donâ€™t.
We told Frank about our meetinâ€™ with the dragon and what he had ta say â€˜bout the huge bug tearinâ€™ away at his tree oâ€™ shaftinâ€™.
Then Frank set out an assortment oâ€™ acid bombs, acid arrows and the like, and told us ta use all oâ€™ it on the bug ta kill it. So we each grabbed pile oâ€™ the stuff and made our way down a hole that somehow appeared, close ta the shaftinâ€™ tree. Dammed magic again!
Now me handâ€™s givinâ€™ me the cramps from all me pennin’, so Iâ€™ll writ the rest oâ€™ this down later.April 24, 2008 at 3:07 pm #56225
We was down in the cave the week before, so we already knew where the bug was. Only took a few minutes ta get to it. Nobody got lost or nothinâ€™. Mayhap Port. Seems heâ€™s always lagginâ€™ behind. Well, I suppose its hard ta writ and walk at the same time, and he seems ta be always writinâ€™.
Everyone knows a man canâ€™t do two things at the same time anyways. Sometimes they ainâ€™t so good at doinâ€™ even one thing at a time! But Port caught up to us event . . . eventu . . . uh, right quick.
Well, there it was! Right in front oâ€™ us! The colossal bug! I mean, really big, ya know? The mother oâ€™ all bugs it was! Munchinâ€™ away on the roots oâ€™ Frankâ€™s damm tree, payinâ€™ no attention ta us whatsoever!
We crept as close as we could to it, then some oâ€™ us started heavinâ€™ the acid bombs, and others what had bows, let loose with a hail oâ€™ acid arrows! Before long, the bug didnâ€™t look much like a bug no more! It looked ta me, like a gigantic porcupine with quills stickinâ€™ out from all over it!
And the bombs and arrows was havinâ€™ an effect on it too! Makinâ€™ it sick they was! Did ya know a bug makes a noise when its dyinâ€™? At least the really big ones do. Kinda like a cross between a moan and a sob. I guess the little ones also moans and sobs when theyâ€™s dyinâ€™ or hurt. Mayhap they screams too, when they looks up and sees a big boot cominâ€™ down on â€˜em ta squish â€˜em dead.
Theyâ€™s way too small ta hear though I guess. Mayhap youâ€™d hear a tiny squeek or somethinâ€™ if ya got yer ear down close enough to it. But I donâ€™t know how youâ€™d go about stepinâ€™ on it if ya had yer ear so close ta the ground, ya know? Anyways, we killed the bug, and that was that.
I ainâ€™t felt too good about killinâ€™ a thing what just stood there and let me kill it. Didnâ€™t seem right somehow. Iâ€™m used ta something whackinâ€™ right back at me when Iâ€™m tryinâ€™ ta kill it. But it ainâ€™t seemed ta bother no one else, so I kept me mouth shut â€˜bout that.
Savinâ€™ Franklinâ€™s tree oâ€™ shaftinâ€™ kinda balanced it all out fer me.
I guess the bug was just a victim oâ€™ cir . . . circum . . . well, the bug just happened ta be in the wrong place at the wrong time ya know?April 24, 2008 at 6:21 pm #56226
( Sheâ€™s moved the little table she sits at when writing, as far away as she possibly can from the foul smelling, gooey mess in the corner of her room. Of course the further away she moves from the cup, the less accurate her aim becomes. Well . . . try and picture the rest!)
Just before we left the cave, we all noticed a bunch oâ€™ oversized hearts sittinâ€™in a big hole near where the roots oâ€™ the shaftinâ€™ tree was. The hearts was all kinda connected up to each other, just beatinâ€™ away. Thumpity thump, thump they was goinâ€™. Now I seen some strange things in my time here, but I ainâ€™t never seen nothinâ€™ like that before, ya know?
Then we all climbed up outta the cave, includinâ€™ Frankie, who had climbed in with us. Heâ€™d tagged along just ta make sure we used the acid bombs and arrows in a proper manner soâ€™s the bug would be exterminated once and fer all. Between you and me, I donâ€™t think Francis was too sure the acid was really gonna work!
So afterwards, weâ€™s all standinâ€™ by the shaftinâ€™ tree feelinâ€™ good about ourselves that we saved it by killinâ€™ the bug. Then Frankie opens his mouth and tells us the damm treeâ€™s still sick! Killinâ€™ the bug only cured it part way, he says!! Now weâ€™d have to help him do somethinâ€™ â€˜bout all those beatinâ€™ hearts in the hole, we seen on the way out!
Then he pulls out another list, this one even longer then the first one he give us! Heâ€™s writ down at least elevendy three more things heâ€™s needinâ€™! He goes on and on â€˜bout needinâ€™all these things soâ€™s he can do somethinâ€™ â€˜bout about the damm hearts we seen thumpinâ€™ away in the hole in the cave! He says the hearts is somehow connected to the damm tree and causinâ€™ it to de . . .deca . . . ta rot!
Ohh geez! Ainâ€™t this never gonna end? Thatâ€™s the last thing any oâ€™ us was wantinâ€™ to hear! Good thing I wasnâ€™t standinâ€™ too close ta Frank, else I woulda fixed him up real good instead oâ€™ fixinâ€™ up the shaftinâ€™ tree! Port had ta grab onto me leg ta hold me back from choppinâ€™ him up into little bits! Well, me legâ€™s about as high as Port can reach anyways, ya know?
Canâ€™t writ no more now. I gotta figure what ta do â€˜bout that corner over there. *Shudders*April 24, 2008 at 8:05 pm #56227
Got the corner cleaned up some. I gotta find a better way ta writ with tobacco juice soâ€™s I wonâ€™t be makinâ€™ such a mess. Iâ€™ll think hard on it.
Anyway, Iâ€™m skippinâ€™ ahead now from writinâ€™ bout last week ta writtinâ€™ â€˜bout last night.
Thereâ€™s a few things I want to put down before I forgets â€˜em. First off I seen Sam the bard! Remember him? The one what played the lute so nice? Well back he is and I hope he stays awhile too! Mayhap heâ€™ll give Port a lesson or three. Port canâ€™t squeeze one decent note outta his instrument! Not a one! His playinâ€™ sounds all tinny, and outta tune!
And speakinâ€™ oâ€™ Port, which is now what Iâ€™m doinâ€™, the little twerp made a comment â€˜bout my backside last night! Can you believe that? He said I had a big one! Why the nerve oâ€™ him! He said it in front oâ€™ everyone he did! The words fell right outta his mouth! Iâ€™ll have him know me backside is a perfect fit fer the rest oâ€™ me and I gets enough men whistlinâ€™ at it ta know fer sure there ainâ€™t no one in all oâ€™ Markshire with a nicer one!
What the hel does he know â€˜bout a girls backside anyways? That revoltinâ€™ little gnome, waltzinâ€™ â€˜round in his fancy pants and cloak, never digging in and gettingâ€™ dirty like the rest of us! Ohh! I got me doubts about him I do!
And thereâ€™s a new girl in town too! Canâ€™t remember her name, â€˜cept the first letter oâ€™ it. I think it was the letter â€˜Nâ€™ I could be wrong. Well all â€˜o us, â€˜Nâ€™, Trau, Sun, Sam, Port and me and Port and Sun and â€˜Nâ€™ wound up in the Dragon, just sittinâ€™ and yackinâ€™ â€˜bout nothinâ€™ in particular. Was just like old times! Ya remember when we used ta do that?
Just sit â€˜round and talk? I miss those times I does! I told â€˜Nâ€™ ta show up Friday. I said weâ€™d probably be needinâ€™ help runninâ€™ â€˜round lookinâ€™ fer new things Frank decides heâ€™s wantinâ€™.April 25, 2008 at 7:00 pm #56228
Last night I dreamed Aels invited all oâ€™ us over fer dinner. We was all gathered â€˜round a big table in her kitchen. She was stirrinâ€™ a huge steaminâ€™pot, filled up to the brim with tobacco juice with almonds floatin’ ’round in it!
Frankâ€™s legs was stickinâ€™ out oâ€™ the pot lookinâ€™ nice and plump and tasty. The other half oâ€™ Frank was hanginâ€™ from the shaftinâ€™ tree which was all hale and healthy and now sittinâ€™ smack in the middle oâ€™ Aelâ€™s front yard!
Port was there too, with a big white apron wrapped â€˜round his middle. He was flittinâ€™ â€˜round the kitchen, helpinâ€™ Aels gather the herbs and spices ta throw in the pot and settinâ€™ the table fer all oâ€™ us!
Funny thing though. It smelled ta me like she was cookinâ€™ cabbage.April 26, 2008 at 5:49 pm #56229
. Iâ€™m gettinâ€™ back ta last week and Iâ€™ll writ â€˜bout that now. So . . .
weâ€™s all standinâ€™ there next to the shaftinâ€™ tree like I said before, our mouths hanginâ€™ open, checkinâ€™ off the stuff on this new list oâ€™ things Frankâ€™s wantinâ€™. Six oâ€™ this, and nine oâ€™ that and shields, and sugar and sand and ice and spider silk and graveyard dirt and oh geez, at least three pages oâ€™ things!
All the while Portâ€™s holdinâ€™ on tight ta me leg ta keep me from from slaughterinâ€™ the damm frog. Outta the corner oâ€™ me eye I sees a puff oâ€™ smoke, and glory be, Monty walks right out oâ€™ it and into the middle oâ€™ our group! Well . . . mages is known for doinâ€™ those kinda things.
Anyways, Monty straight off, gets a good grasp oâ€™ all thatâ€™s goinâ€™ on with Frank and us and the shaftinâ€™ tree. One oâ€™ the things on Frankâ€™s list weâ€™s needinâ€™ is sleep spells. Yup! Sleep spells! It seems, if we can figure out a way to make the damm tree hib . . .hibre . . . uh, put it to sleep, weâ€™ll be able to slow down the rottinâ€™ whatsâ€™ goinâ€™ on inside oâ€™ it. Monty hears that, looks around, and warns everyone to step back a bit. We woulda stepped back anyways, even if he ainâ€™t told us to. I think he closes his eyes when heâ€™s usinâ€™ magic, just like I close mine when Iâ€™m whackinâ€™ somethinâ€™. His aim ainâ€™t so good.
He begins mumblinâ€™ some arcane sleep spell gibberish while swayinâ€™ back and forth, then sparks start to shoot out oâ€™ his fingers, goinâ€™ every which way! A few sparks hit the shaftinâ€™ tree, a few more hit Traudek, who ainâ€™t thought to get far enough outta the way and down he went. But enough oâ€™ the sparks struck the tree to put it ta sleep!
So, except for Traudek, who was snoozinâ€™ away, right in the middle oâ€™ the field, off we went, ready to begin collectinâ€™ all the things on this new list what Frankie give us.April 27, 2008 at 6:32 am #56230
I seen Portâ€™s note on Hillar’s door today in Foothold so Iâ€™m gonna write â€˜bout that instead oâ€™ what happened last week. Iâ€™ll write â€˜bout last week, tomorrow.
Well, I knowâ€™s Sar and Faithâ€™s gonna read it and theyâ€™s gonna be as mad as hel about what we done. Invadinâ€™ their home, breakinâ€™ doors, trackinâ€™ mud all over the place. Yankinâ€™ the pictures off the walls, and causinâ€™ a big mess.
But when he finds out â€˜bout why we needs the pictures and how many lives weâ€™s tryinâ€™ ta save, and when he hears the whole story â€˜bout the tree oâ€™ shaftinâ€™ and realizes we ainâ€™t had no time ta be sittinâ€™ â€˜round just waitin fer him ta come home, Iâ€™m sure heâ€™ll understand.
Besides that, Sun left a pouch full oâ€™ gold right under Portâ€™s note ta cover all the damage we might oâ€™ caused. If it ainâ€™t enough ta cover the cost oâ€™ the new door heâ€™ll be gettinâ€™ and all the things we broke, Iâ€™ll be glad ta pay the difference. So would anyone else in our group, Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™.April 27, 2008 at 3:36 pm #56231
Well I left notes in two spots, fer Sar and Faith. Iâ€™m hopinâ€™ they reads â€˜em. I appo . . . .appol . . . . I writ in â€˜em both, that all oâ€™ us was sorry for the things we broke and the mess we made and how weâ€™d be installinâ€™ â€™ a new door and moppinâ€™ up all the mud we tracked â€˜round the place.
I also read the notes left last night by Sar and his wife too. One oâ€™ â€˜em stuck onto the door oâ€™ the dragon with a knife! Geez! Was they mad! Funny thing though. Neither one oâ€™ their notes mentioned nothinâ€™ â€˜bout the fine and honorable thing all oâ€™ us was doinâ€™ tryinâ€™ ta save the Grippli tribe!
Not a word about it! Their notes was full oâ€™ threats â€˜bout all the things they was gonna do to us when they cought us! Geez! I thought Sar, beinâ€™ the great Champion oâ€™ Thor, defender oâ€™ the people, enemy oâ€™ all things evil would be pattinâ€™ us all on the back and invitinâ€™ us over fer dinner! Even though his house is kind oâ€™ messy now.
Sounded like they was makinâ€™ a broken door and a floor all tracked up with mud more important then savin the lives oâ€™ all those poor little frogs livinâ€™ out there in the woods! Seemed to me ta be kinda selfish, and small minded oâ€™ â€˜em, ya know?
Well its up to them I guess. Either they can hide in the shadows plannin’ and plottin’ how ‘ta trap each one oâ€™ us then jump out and do their punishinâ€™ but then theyâ€™d be no more then thugs and bullies preyingâ€™ on the weak ones in our group. In my eyes, Sar sure wouldnâ€™t be too much oâ€™ a Champion then.
Or, when their anger cools, we could all sit down with â€˜em and explain why we done what we done, ya know? Mayhap theyâ€™d even help us a little tryinâ€™ ta fix the damm tree oâ€™ shaftinâ€™ if they understood better, whatâ€™s been goinâ€™ on. Like I said . . . its up to them. I donâ€™t give a damm what they decides. Either way, Iâ€™ll be ready.April 28, 2008 at 3:49 pm #56232
Its a new day and Iâ€™m gettinâ€™ back ta writin â€˜bout last week again. I pushed the notes Sar and Faith left in Foothold fer us, completely outta me mind. Aint gonna worry â€˜bout â€˜em none. Gonna speak ta Port though. Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™ some oâ€™ the things he writs down in his record, aintâ€™ too favorable to our cause, ya know?
I knows heâ€™s tryinâ€™ ta be fair and objective with his reportinâ€™ but mayhap he could slant his chroniclinâ€™ in a favorable way soâ€™s heâ€™d be helpinâ€™ us a little instead oâ€™ hurtinâ€™. Mayhap he could use italics or somethinâ€™?
For example, he aintâ€™ writ down a thing â€˜bout what we all seen the moment we walked in ta Sarâ€™s house! At least itâ€™s what I seen! First off, the place reeked oâ€™ stale ale, and half eaten dinners, just left out ta rot! Little bugs was crawlâ€™in â€˜round all over the stuff! The floor was already a mess!
Scraps oâ€™ food, dirt and garbage was strewn all over and all we added to it was a bit oâ€™ mud from our boots and I only spit out tobacco juice once or twice, the whole time I was there! Well . . .mayhap four times I spit. Or six. There was a pile oâ€™ dust in each corner and when we took the pictures off the walls, they left a big white mark in the shape oâ€™ a rec . . . rectan . . . a square that someone stretched out sideways!.
I mean, donâ€™t Faith ever clean up that place? Most oâ€™ the mess in the damm house was there long before we arrived! Why ainâ€™t Port writ that down too? Anyways, Port sure ainâ€™t lookinâ€™ at things the way most oâ€™ the others in our group is lookinâ€™ at things, and Iâ€™m gonna have a long talk with him â€˜bout it!
Oh geez! I forgot! Iâ€™m supposed ta be writinâ€™ â€˜bout last week! Gimmie a minute, will ya?
(She pops another slug of tobacco into her mouth.)April 29, 2008 at 12:52 am #56233
Over the past week, Bel, Walis Sun, me and Bel and the rest, collected just about all oâ€™ the stuff what Frankie was needinâ€™. Sun had most oâ€™ the things already! She gotta hobby oâ€™ collectinâ€™ things. I ainâ€™t got no idea where she stores all oâ€™ it! I think sheâ€™s got a secret place somewhere in the Garden Grotto.
Anyway, the job they give me was ta find six pieces oâ€™ glacial ice. A special rare ice it was! The purest ice in all oâ€™ Markshire! I figured a good place ta start my lookinâ€™ would be in some caves close by. I had a good idea â€˜bout how to get to â€˜em.
One, not too far away with a strong wind always whippinâ€™ through it, just up a bit from Cona and the other always full oâ€™ snakes in the bottom oâ€™ it, just up a bit from Foothold . . . or down a bit from Foothold? Ya know, thatâ€™s the reason I gets lost so much! Even though Iâ€™m fairly sure I gotta go down a ways to get to a place, somehow I always seems ta be travelinâ€™ up ta get down to it!
I ainâ€™t expectinâ€™ anybody to understand any o’ that except me, but Iâ€™m writinâ€™ it down anyway. Must be somethinâ€™ I inher . . . . picked up from me ma. It ainâ€™t so bad if I got a landmark or somethinâ€™ ta go by, ya know? A little stream or a funny lookinâ€™ tree is really helpful!
When I sees it I know Iâ€™m gettingâ€™ close ta where Iâ€™m fixinâ€™ ta get to. Anyways, I spent two whole days lookinâ€™ in those damm caves and I didnâ€™t find no special rare glacial ice at all! Then one night last week, me and a bunch oâ€™ us is standinâ€™ round talkinâ€™ and Bel tells me he knows oâ€™ another cave in the mountains north oâ€™ Cona!
Ta me, that was up from where we was standinâ€™. And he says fer sure theyâ€™ll be some glacial ice fer me ta find! And off we went!April 29, 2008 at 3:47 pm #56234
If thereâ€™s one place in all oâ€™ Markshire I hates ta go to, itâ€™s to the mountains north oâ€™ Cona. Or up from Cona, dependinâ€™ how yer lookinâ€™ at it. Ya see, there ainâ€™t no little streams, or funny lookinâ€™ trees or anything else in those mountains ta guide a person.
Ainâ€™t nothinâ€™ in those mountains â€˜cept rocks, and, to me,each rock lookinâ€™ exactly the same as the next! Now how am I gonna make a map outta that? It would be useless Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™. Just a bunch oâ€™ rocks, all the same, scribbled on it. So when I goes to those mountains, Itâ€™s best I go with a group oâ€™ people.
Yup! I gotta be followinâ€™ someone. Else Iâ€™m gonna get lost fer sure. When the lot oâ€™ us took off, Bel led, we all followed and it was easy gettinâ€™ there. We run into a few giants on the way, but we put â€˜em down quick and soon we was standinâ€™ in front oâ€™ the mouth oâ€™ the cave.
None oâ€™ us was too anxious to go in . . . we heard noises, scratchinâ€™ and scrapin and moaninâ€™ cominâ€™ from inside. I was standinâ€™ behind Bel, and I gave him a good hard shove towards the entrance and inside he went. Its amazinâ€™ how ya gotta keep pokinâ€™ and proddinâ€™ a man to do somethinâ€™ useful.
We all waited outside for a moment or two, listininâ€™ hard, ta hear if somethinâ€™ was killinâ€™ Bel. We ainâ€™t heard him screaminâ€™ or nothinâ€™ so we decided it was safe fer all oâ€™ us, and in we went.April 29, 2008 at 5:40 pm #56235
There was tigers in the cave, pretty white ones. They was tryinâ€™ ta bite us so we had ta kill â€˜em. A shame it was. Sun, with her bow, and Durok choppinâ€™ away at â€˜em took the most. I got a few, nine I think. Mayhap three oâ€™ â€˜em.
Bel, Trau and Voran just stood around with their mouths hanginâ€™ open. Anyways, deeper and deeper we went, and finally, there it was! The special rare glacial ice! A big chunk oâ€™ it! An ice troll was standinâ€™ there guardinâ€™ it. I suppose thinkinâ€™ the ice belonged ta him.
We had a brief argument, which Sun resolved by placin’ three arrows in his neck, each one not more than a quarter inch away from the next, and before ya could snap yer fingers, I had me first piece oâ€™ special rare glacial ice tucked away safe and cozy, sittinâ€™ atop some small clothes in me pack!
I looked up and seen where the water was drippinâ€™ down off the roof to form it. A real slow drip, ya know? Drip . . . drip . . . drip. We decided tâ€™would take at least a whole day oâ€™ drippinâ€™ before another big round cube oâ€™ it would form. No sense waitinâ€™ here in the cave, so we all went back ta Foothold.
Before Bel left, he told me Iâ€™d have to be makinâ€™ the trip to the cave without him tomorrow. He had somethinâ€™ else heâ€™d be doinâ€™.
I think he was a bit annoyed â€˜bout me pushinâ€™ him into the cave.
I went back by myself the next day and the day after. And one more day after that even! Each time, collectinâ€™ another piece of the special rare glacial ice and each time findinâ€™ it harder and harder to locate the cave again!
Ya know . . . I could swear someone keeps movinâ€™ the damm entrance to a different part oâ€™ the mountain! By Friday, I had four pieces oâ€™ ice. Frankieâ€™s list called for six pieces. I hoped heâ€™d not be checkinâ€™ too close . . .April 30, 2008 at 8:27 pm #56236
Friday oâ€™ last week I made me way to Barrelgoreâ€™s place, with my special rare glacial ice sittinâ€™ safe in me pack, fixinâ€™ ta meet the rest oâ€™ our little band oâ€™ adventurers. I told ya a few pages back, Barrelgoreâ€™s kitchenâ€™s where we gotta go ta get to where Frank and his tribe is camped.
Walis, Durok and Bel was sittinâ€™ at a table listenâ€™ ta Port, who was standinâ€™ in front oâ€™ â€˜emâ€™. He was all animated and excited, wavinâ€™ his arms back and forth and jabbinâ€™ his finger in the air. Seems they was havinâ€™ a dis . . . discu . . . . uh, they was yackinâ€™ â€˜bout what youâ€™d call a thing if there was more then one oâ€™ it! Ya know, like if ya seen more then one bird, then youâ€™d say, â€œWow! Look at all them birds!â€
Tâ€™was the most ridiculous thing I ever heard, listenin toâ€™ those four arguing with each other â€˜bout whether ta put an â€˜sâ€™ or an â€˜enâ€™ after somethinâ€™ your seeinâ€™ more then one of! I just donâ€™t think a manâ€™s brain workâ€™s the same way as oâ€™ womanâ€™s. I think most oâ€™ a manâ€™s brainâ€™s just used fer paddinâ€™ ta keep the tiny piece oâ€™ it in the middle, what does the thinkinâ€™ fer him, well protected.
Yup! Paddinâ€™! Iâ€™m sure oâ€™ this cause when ya hits a man on the head, most times heâ€™ll just look at ya with a stupid grin on his face! Ya gotta whack a man really hard ta put him down because oâ€™ all that paddinâ€™!
Anyways, theyâ€™s goinâ€™ on and on â€˜bout which is proper. Oxes or oxen? I seen two foxes or a bunch oâ€™ foxen? Oh geez! Well, Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™ to myself, what about a goose? For more then one goose youâ€™d be havinâ€™ ta use an entirely different word! Geese! And a whole bunch oâ€™ geese is called a gaggle! And . . . if ya used the word goose as a verb, you ainâ€™t even talkinâ€™ â€˜bout a bird no more! Tâ€™would have a whole other meaninâ€™!
So . . . I just stood there listeninâ€™ to all their silliness and didnâ€™t say nothinâ€™. I reminded â€˜em Frank might be gettinâ€™ irritated , waitinâ€™ so long fer us. That said, we all walked into Berrelgoreâ€™s kitchen, which for some reason this time, was as dark as death, and none oâ€™ us had to close our eyes.
I tapped me heels together three times, anyways.May 1, 2008 at 6:30 pm #56237
And like magic, there we was! Walis, Port, Bel, Durok and me, standinâ€™ in the Grippli camp! Sun, Voran and Trau arrived shortly after. Well . . . ya can only fit so many inta Barrelgoreâ€™s kitchen at one time ya know?
Frankie told us there still was a few more items weâ€™d have to gather. He was now wantinâ€™ some pictures hanginâ€™ in Sarâ€™s house what belonged ta his tribe. They was heir . . heirloo . . . His tribe owned â€˜em fer a very long time.
He told us ages ago, one oâ€™ their leaders scratched out some instructions on the back oâ€™ the canvasses. Grippli Glyphâ€™s they was! Theyâ€™d explain to us what to do with the special rare glacial ice, McGreggorsâ€™ lantern, the bunch oâ€™ rope, the graveyard dirt, and all other stuff weâ€™d collected fer him over the past week.
I was glad Frank ainâ€™t asked fer the special rare glacial ice straight off, cause I was havinâ€™ a slight problem with it. Ya see, like told ya on another page, I put the ice atop me small clothes in me pack. It was a mistake I made ta put it there.
The iceâ€™s been sittinâ€™ fer awhile, and now me small clothes is all frozen solid, and stuck fast to the damm ice. Canâ€™t budge â€˜em . I told Durok â€˜bout it, and he give me a few pair oâ€™ his, and Iâ€™m wearinâ€™ â€˜em now but they keep slidinâ€™ down off me hips cause with him beinâ€™ a dwarf and all, theyâ€™ s just too wide fer me! And besides, theyâ€™s all gray, and drab as dirt. No color to â€˜em, ya know?
Anyways, fer sure I canâ€™t wear a dress no more til I getâ€™s this all straightened out. Gonna talk to Sun â€˜bout it. Iâ€™m sure sheâ€™ll be able to make me some new ones what donâ€™t keep slippinâ€™ off oâ€™ me.
Seems everyone in Markshire knows where we went and what happened next so Iâ€™m thinkinâ€™ I ainâ€™t gotta write â€˜bout that part. We returned to Frankieâ€™s camp with the pictures he was wantinâ€™ and he int . . . interpa . . . uh, told us what all the squiggly lines and funny images meant what was drawn on the back oâ€™ each canvas.
Now we was ready to climb down in the cavern under the shaftinâ€™ tree to try our hand at stoppinâ€™ all those hearts and tubes and stuff beatinâ€™ and belchinâ€™ away, down below in that pit. â€˜Cept fer Voran. He got tired and went home ta bed.
Just before we went down, Port told me he had somethinâ€™ fer me what he thought might help me some. He pointed to a bag sittinâ€™ on the ground in front oâ€™ him. I peeked in it, but carefully, cause I ain’t never quite sure oâ€™ just what Portâ€™s planninâ€™ ta do next.
Well oh geez! Sittinâ€™ in the bag was a new helm! And decorated in colors that matched perfect with what I was wearinâ€™! The words, â€œHeadband of Intellectâ€ was scribed in big bold letters right across the front oâ€™ it! Why how thoughtful oâ€™ him! I bent down and gave the little gnome a big kiss square on top oâ€™ his head!
Ohh! He blushed somethinâ€™ awful he did! I think it might oâ€™ been the first time ever, heâ€™d been kissed by a girl! Out came his lute, and he danced a little jig, all the while pluckin’ away and singinâ€™ a sweet tune â€˜bout me! It was so nice! And his playinâ€™ ainâ€™t sounded tinny ta me at all, like I said a few pages back! I decided right then, ta forgive him fer tellinâ€™ everyone I had a big backside a few days ago!May 3, 2008 at 6:35 pm #56238
So much happened yesterday, which was Friday, Iâ€™m gonna writ â€˜bout that instead oâ€™ last week. Iâ€™ll writ â€˜bout last week and how things went with us tryinâ€™ to stop all them beatinâ€™ hearts in the cavern, tomorrow.
I spent most all oâ€™ Friday morninâ€™ choppinâ€™ away at the Demon Skull orcs in in their cave just down a bit from Foothold. Ya see, skulls was one oâ€™ the things writ down on Frankieâ€™s list and fer some reason he needed a bunch oâ€™ â€˜em! By the time I left, I had a few bags full oâ€™ skulls and I headed back to Foothold.
I stopped in the Temple, oâ€™ course checkinâ€™ first to see if Father Ryche was around. I told ya he donâ€™t like me much. I ainâ€™t seen him so in I went. Sun was standinâ€™ there chewinâ€™ on some almonds and we said hello. I knew she was a fine seam-stress, so straight away I told her â€˜bout my dilem . . . uh, problem not havinâ€™ no small clothes ta wear.
I told her Durok had give me some oâ€™ his but they was always fallinâ€™ off and that he must oâ€™ had â€˜em made outta canvas, or burlap or somethinâ€™ cause now they was chafinâ€™ and scratchinâ€™ me somethinâ€™ awful! She gave me a very funny look, then took some measurements â€˜o me waist, and some other parts oâ€™ me. She told me she could make me some nice ones outta silk and even dye â€˜em in all me favorite colors!
Well, oh geez, white cotton drawers woulda been fine, but what girl is gonna pass up a chance to have a few pair oâ€™ silk undies, and each one a pretty color! I asked her if she could rush the makinâ€™ oâ€™ â€˜em along a bit beinâ€™ it was kind oâ€™ an emer . . . uh I was needinâ€™ â€˜em real bad. She said sheâ€™d do her best, but theyâ€™d take most oâ€™ the day ta make, and because oâ€™ that, sheâ€™d be late tonight for our meetinâ€™ with Frankie.
So she gave me all the stuff sheâ€™d collected for him includinâ€™ some knuckles she bought from Aels-witch a few hours ago. Ya see, Frankâ€™s got just â€˜bout everyone in Foothold workinâ€™ hard fer him!
That eveninâ€™ I set off to the Dragon Inn. I knew the rest oâ€™ our group would be watinâ€™ there, preparinâ€™ to make the journey to meet Frank and the rest oâ€™ the frogs in their camp.
Voran, Durok, Walis, Bel and Port was there and I greeted the bunch oâ€™ â€˜em. I took a seat in the corner, ordered an ale, and oh geez, who walks in and right up to our table but Sar and Faith! Yup! The two oâ€™ them now standinâ€™ there in front oâ€™ us bold as brass! Ohhhh Geeeez!
(She uses a ladle to re-fill her cup with tobacco juice, from a spittoon which she now keeps outside on the porch.)May 4, 2008 at 5:37 pm #56239
Well beinâ€™ the kind and neighborly sort oâ€™ person I am, the first thing I thunk of, was to invite both oâ€™ â€˜em ta sit down and have an ale with us! Fer me, it seemed like the proper thing to do. Sar wasnâ€™t havinâ€™ none oâ€™ that. Uh uh! He give me one oâ€™ his steely looks and asked me ta give him a good reason why he should sit down with the likes oâ€™ us!
Oh geez! I could see things was about to go down hill real fast, and I decided I was not wantinâ€™ to be a part oâ€™ it. So I got up from where I was sittinâ€™ and began to make my way towards the door, tellinâ€™ everyone I needed a breath oâ€™ fresh air. As I was leavinâ€™, Sar, in that loud commandinâ€™ voice oâ€™ his, screamed at me not to go any place â€˜cept right back to the damm table Iâ€™d just got up from, and sit myself down!
Well Let me tell all oâ€™ ya somethinâ€™ â€˜bout me ya might not know. The day a man . . . any man, takes to screaminâ€™ at me, thinkinâ€™ Iâ€™m gonna jump quick to do the thing heâ€™s yellinâ€™ at me to do, will be the same day everyone is lookinâ€™ up in the sky, and seeinâ€™ a bunch oâ€™ cows jumpinâ€™ over the moon! Purple cows! Ya know? It just ainâ€™t gonna happen! Never!
So I ig . . . igno . . . . paid no attention to his screaminâ€™ and just kept walkinâ€™. Soon I was standinâ€™ outside the Dragon Inn, breathinâ€™ deep, and enjoyinâ€™ the cool crisp Markshire air. Beinâ€™ outside I couldnâ€™t hear much oâ€™ what was goinâ€™ on inside, mayhap a few words or two, most all oâ€™ them really loud, ya know?
All men is like that when theyâ€™s tryinâ€™ ta settle a thing between â€˜em. When things ainâ€™t goinâ€™ their way, straight off, they start screaminâ€™ and carryinâ€™ on. I got two little nep . . . neph . . . uh my oldest brotherâ€™s kids. Both boys. One four, the other six. When somethinâ€™ ainâ€™t goinâ€™ their way, they does the same. But they also throws themselves on the floor too, and bangs their heels real hard and fast on it. Rat- a â€“tat â€“tat!
I closed me eyes and imag . . uh pictured all the men inside the Dragon layinâ€™ down and lined up in a row, , all oâ€™ â€˜em screaminâ€™ loud and banginâ€™ away on the floor with their heels! â€˜Cept fer Faith. She was just sandinâ€™ there watchinâ€™ â€˜em and shakinâ€™ her head back and forth. Anyways, thatâ€™s what I was seeinâ€™ with me eyes shut tight. Made me laugh it did!
A short time after, Sar and Faith came out, Sar walked over ta me and . . . I think he said somethinâ€™. I ainâ€™t too sure, cause fer some reason, me ears got all clogged up from some kinda green haze what came outta nowhere distortinâ€™ all the sound. Through the green haze, I think he said ta me I should never ever speak to him again.
He ainâ€™t exactly used those words, but theyâ€™s close enough to what he said fer ya to get the gist oâ€™ it. Some oâ€™ the words he used, I donâ€™t even know how to spell so I ainâ€™t writ â€˜em down. Some others I ainâ€™t even knowinâ€™ what they meant, ya know? Iâ€™ll have to ask someone, I guess. Iâ€™ll tell ya! That green haze is some powerful stuff!
With that, Sar and Faith walked off and I walked back into the Dragon Inn.
The boys was sittinâ€™ there waitinâ€™ and ready to pay our weekly visit to Frankie. Before we left, someone suggested we try one more time to appo . . . uh, say weâ€™s sorry to Faith and Sar â€˜bout messinâ€™ up their house. Their place wasnâ€™t too far outta the way and there was a chance if we could make things right with them, Faith, would invite all oâ€™ us in fer a bite to eat!
Well Iâ€™ll tell ya! A manâ€™ll agree to do just about anything if he thinks heâ€™s gonna wind up with a belly full oâ€™ somethinâ€™ fer doinâ€™ it! The vote was nine to zero in favor oâ€™ goinâ€™ to Sarâ€™s house to tell them we was sorry one more time! Or six to zero. I forgot how many oâ€™ us there was. Anyways, off we went!
I ain’t counted meself in the vote cause I ain’t sure a woman is allowed ta do that here. Ya know? Vote on somethin’.May 5, 2008 at 9:17 pm #56240
When we got to their house, Sar and Faith was standinâ€™ by the door. We all said hello and told â€˜em again we was sorry fer what we did. Then we asked Faith if she might have a bit oâ€™ food fer us to eat, cause all oâ€™ the walkinâ€™ we did ta get there had made us hungry.
Walis, thinkinâ€™ mayhap there was a chance oâ€™ a meal, was now standinâ€™ there with a dumb look on his face, his mouth half open with drool dribblinâ€™ outta it onto his breast plate! Faith accepted our appol . . . our tellinâ€™ her we was sorry and said sheâ€™d be glad ta fix us somethinâ€™!
Then she invited us inside! I set about helpinâ€™ her in the kitchen while the others found seats around a huge oak table in their dininâ€™ â€˜room. â€˜Cept fer Port who put away his quill and parchment, and went about setinâ€™ the table fer everyone. Voran saved the seat next to him for me.
Soon we was munchinâ€™ away on a delicious salad, full oâ€™ greens and tomatoes and bits oâ€™ cheese with chopped up red onions and some oil and vin . . sour stuff what made me lips pucker, drizzled all over the top oâ€™ it. Faith told us the salad was named after some great tribal leader who lived ages ago, far to the south oâ€™ Markshire!
So nice she was, sittinâ€™ there at the head oâ€™ the table chatterinâ€™ away and beinâ€™ all sweet and sugary just like a little cup cake! She was a perfect hostess!
After dinner Frank popped in ta say hello and thank Faith and Sar for keepinâ€™ the paintings which belonged to his clan, in such good condition. Frankie said it was proper and customary to offer a nice gift to those who helped his people and he had one for Faith! He dug deep into his pack and came out with a rare old relic, a Magic Ceremonial Stick oâ€™ Poo!
Faithâ€™s eyes lit up and you could see she was as pleased as punch with Frankâ€™s gift! I ainâ€™t thinkinâ€™ Faith was too sure oâ€™ just what it was, ya know? But I knew all about that stick and had ta turn away, ta keep from laughin out loud! Ya see, Frankie give me one just like it a few weeks back! I guess they ainâ€™t really so rare.
Anyways I had a devil oâ€™ a time with mine! Every time I went ta put it down it kept poppinâ€™ right back into me hand again! The only thing that worked was ta lay it on the ground then jump on it real quick! As long as ya stood there on top oâ€™ it, it couldnâ€™t move nowhere. It took three days fer the magic in it ta finally wear off!
I also noticed when Frankie handed the stick ta Faith, he was holdinâ€™ onto the good end! I was chokinâ€™ tryinâ€™ ta hold back me laughter! Faith thanked Frank and locked the Ceremonial Stick oâ€™ Poo away in a trunk she kept in a corner oâ€™ the room.
Before we left for the Grippli camp I told Faith not ta be stirrinâ€™ no pot oâ€™ soup with the stick Frankieâ€™ gave her.May 7, 2008 at 5:18 pm #56241
Now thereâ€™s much more we done after we left Faithâ€™s house last Friday. Before I get to writinâ€™ â€˜bout it, I should mention we did manage ta stop those thumpin hearts and tubes and extin . . . extingu . . . uh, put out the pots oâ€™ fire in the cavern beneath the shaftinâ€™ tree last week.
Instructions on the back oâ€™ one of the pictures we took from Sarâ€™s house told us what things from Frankieâ€™s list ta bring down with us, and how ta use â€˜em to silence the hearts and douse the pots oâ€™ fire. Sun and Traudek done most oâ€™ the work.
Trau would toss a bottle oâ€™ graveyard dirt out over the hole, then Sun would let loose an arrow tryinâ€™ ta hit the bottle and shatter it so the dirt would spread out nice and even over everythinâ€™ below.
I was directly across from the two oâ€™ them and fanninâ€™ away with me cloak, on the special rare glacial ice I brung. My fanninâ€™ was causinâ€™ a cool breeze ta flow over the fires in the pit and coolinâ€™ everything down.
I had a good spot on the edge oâ€™ the pit, beinâ€™ close to the fires and all . . . but had ta keep dodginâ€™ Sunâ€™s arrows what came flyinâ€™ straight across at me whenever she missed a damm bottle!
Bel and Walis was just standinâ€™ there watchinâ€™us and snickerinâ€™ while Port was busy scribblinâ€™ away makinâ€™ a record oâ€™ it all. After awhile, between my fanninâ€™ Trauâ€™s tossinâ€™ and Sunâ€™s shootinâ€™ like I said, we finally put an end to the evil mess oâ€™ stuff in that pit.May 8, 2008 at 9:06 pm #56242
Now Iâ€™m gonnaâ€™ get back ta what happened when we left Faithâ€™s house. First off, Frankieâ€™ tells us there ainâ€™t gonna be no wagon takinâ€™ us to his camp. He said weâ€™ll have ta walk. He said the price oâ€™ oats fer the horses what pulls the wagons is goinâ€™ up sky high.
For a trip like that, heâ€™d have ta feed â€˜em first and it would be too ex . . .expen . . . uh, the tripâ€™ll cost to much . Ya see, here in Markshire, oats donâ€™t grow so good. Oh, they getâ€™s a few ta pop up here and there but most oâ€™ the oats fer the horses is imported, ya know?
Geez! Youâ€™d think Lord Mark and the rest oâ€™ them would come up with somethinâ€™ ta keep us from havinâ€™ to depend so much on foreign oats!
Anyways, we started trudginâ€™ along to Frankiesâ€™ camp in the forest and it took so damm long ta get there, Walis started grumblinâ€™ â€˜bout beinâ€™ hungry again!
Then Frankieâ€™ tells us weâ€™ll have to make one more trip down in the cavern! Yup! Now he says weâ€™s gotta pur . . . uh, clean up all the water in it, soâ€™s the damm shaftinâ€™ treeâ€™ll have somethinâ€™ untainted fer its roots ta suck up! Oh geez! Iâ€™m really gettinâ€™ ta hate that cavern!
Heâ€™s translated some more oâ€™ the writinâ€™ on the backs oâ€™ those canvases I told ya â€˜bout earlier, and has a list oâ€™ stuff weâ€™ll be needinâ€™ to make the water in the cavern sparkle again.
So we starts ta make our way toward the hole by the shaftinâ€™ tree, ready to climb down into the cavern, and Frankie says we canâ€™t use that hole to get there. He says we gotta use another hole a good distance away and hands us a map with directions on how ta get to it.
All the boys study the map oâ€™ where this new hole is, and Bel says from the looks oâ€™ where someone put the X, the damm hole is sittinâ€™ smack in the middle oâ€™ a goblin stronghold! Oh geez!
Well, walkinâ€™ donâ€™t bother me none, since I took off those gray burlap sacks what Durok give me that was chafinâ€™ and scratchinâ€™ everywhere they touched. So . . . now I ainâ€™t wearinâ€™ nothinâ€™ underneath and Iâ€™m gonna stay like this til Sunâ€™ gets my new fancy silk ones all finished! As long as I got me armor on no one knows the difference anyway.
So with Bel leadinâ€™ the way, me and the rest oâ€™ us set off for the goblin camp.May 11, 2008 at 5:31 pm #56243
First off, let me tell ya all, its impossible fer anyone ta sneak up on a goblin camp. You just canâ€™t do it.The goblins always knows when yer gettinâ€™ close â€˜cause the worgs patrollinâ€™ â€˜round the edge oâ€™ itâ€™ll growl a warninâ€™.
A worgâ€™s somethinâ€™ like a wolf, only much larger, havinâ€™ huge fangs, and red eyes and theyâ€™s all covered up with fur as black as night! Theyâ€™s very smart and mean too! I heard a worgâ€™ll set about feedinâ€™ on a thing straight off, without even botherinâ€™ ta kill it first! Yup! If they gets ya down, theyâ€™ll start gnawinâ€™ away, tearinâ€™ off and swallowinâ€™ huge chunks â€˜o you while yer still twistinâ€™ and screaminâ€™ tryinâ€™ to escape from it!
And a worgâ€™s got a really good nose too! They can smell a thing cominâ€™ from far away and they lets the goblins know â€˜bout it. Anyway, they could smell us comin’. ‘Cept Me o’ course, cause I ainâ€™t got no odor at all. But . . . I guess the fellas are wantin’ me ta smell a little bit ya know? Cause theyâ€™s always handin me bottles oâ€™ perfume ta use.
Now I’ve always had a few flies buzzinâ€™ â€˜round me head and Iâ€™m used to that. But until â€˜Nitha told me not to use a whole bottle oâ€™ perfume at once, and just to dab it here and there, I had legions oâ€™ flies followinâ€™ me â€˜round everywhere! I guess flies likes the smell oâ€™ lilacs.
Anyways, the worgs smelled a bunch oâ€™ men, and Sun and a huge field oâ€™ lilacs approachinâ€™ the camp and they growled their warninâ€™ to the goblins. And, oh geez, the battle was on!
Out from behind the trees they came! Ridinâ€™ straight at us atop their worgs! Banginâ€™ hard on their shields ta frighten us, shoutinâ€™ and screechinâ€™ their war chants, shootinâ€™ arrows and flinginâ€™ spears! Oh geez!
Their worgs was snarlinâ€™ and snappinâ€™ and tryinâ€™ to grab an arm or leg what was stickinâ€™ out from behind our shields! Goblin Shamans was poppinâ€™ up everywhere hurlinâ€™ spell after spell at us! And eleite goblins, the ones they send away fer special traininâ€™, was there too! Spittinâ€™ on us and screaminâ€™ curses in their high pitched voicesâ€™ and whackinâ€™ away, tryinâ€™ to murder us with their axes!
It was hard fer us ta keep our footinâ€™ and we was slippinâ€™ and slidinâ€™ every which way cause oâ€™ all the blood and guts collectinâ€™ on the ground from the fight! Wave after wave oâ€™ â€˜em, charged us! Each one fiercer and more deadly than the last! I ainâ€™t never seen so many goblins in one place before! Finally, after what seemed hours, we finished â€˜em off.
We took a short rest to bandage ourselves up and clean the blood from our weapons. But poor Voran was missinâ€™! We looked around and Bel seen one oâ€™ Voranâ€™s legs stickinâ€™ out from under a huge pile oâ€™ dead goblins nearby.
He was dead too but three oâ€™ us grabbed his leg and yanked him out, brushed the gore off oâ€™ him and brought him back to us, with a Raise Dead scroll. Then we went about lookinâ€™ fer the hole that led down to the cavern.
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