Portales Penmanship; Excerpts from an Illegible Epic

Home Forums Markshire’s Who’s Who PC Biographies Portales Penmanship; Excerpts from an Illegible Epic

This topic contains 46 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Avatar Portales May 18, 2008 at 11:27 pm.

Viewing 30 posts - 1 through 30 (of 47 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #32820
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Introductions Are In Order

    I
    Allow me to introduce my self; my name is Portales, a scholarly Penmanship gnome.
    My adventure is not of my own doing, as my parents recently evicted me from their home.
    It all began at my family’s scribing business, with my boss, who happens to be my father,
    Sorbook Penmanship of Highhold, renown academic, scribe and noted scholar.

    Overly educated, always studying and writing, attatched at the nose to a tome.
    Work, work, work, no time for fun, to tell a funny joke, or to recite a touching poem.
    If he were to find me slacking, sleeping or napping, immediately he’d start to holler,
    And if he heard me singing, he would get really hot under his big sweaty collar.

    II
    On that particular day, I was tasked with scribing numerous scrolls of historic lore,
    But such things become tedious and frustrating, and in my opinion, a perpetual bore.
    Instead of scribing, I recited poetry, sang to myself and even started to dance,
    I chanted songs of bravery, heroism and even a short ballad of romance.

    My father heard me and was angered, “Portales, hurry up, finish your chore.”
    Finish! I had to scribe nearly twenty scrolls and had barely completed four.
    At my current pace I’d be working for hours, I’d never be done, not a chance,
    Looking to escape the tedium I hid the scrolls, stuffed them down the back of my pants.

    III
    I went to my father, with a look, serious as his, and assured him that I was done,
    He instructed me to deliver all of the scrolls and quipped, “You had better run.”
    Suspicious of a hasty job he stabbed, “They better be neat, the ink must not run or drip,”
    “You may have my name, but you certainly don’t have my penmanship.”

    A sharp dagger in the back, his words hurt my feelings, hurt them a ton,
    Always on me about sloppy work, but I don’t have the patience, I just want to have fun.
    “I will take excellent care of your delicate scrolls, not a single tear or rip.”
    “I promise you this father” I snickered sarcastically, “it will be a very short trip”

    IV
    After a little convincing, and adjusting my pants, I finally snuck out of the shop,
    Odin must be visiting Balder*, for it was sunny and warm, the sight made my jaw drop.
    Just off the road I could hear some one plucking a harp, nearing a songs end,
    So I took a little detour, and there singing and dancing, was my harp playing friend.

    I will finish the scrolls later, convincing myself, I joined him with an energetic hop.
    We danced, sang, and laughed all day long, we didn’t want the fun to ever stop.
    Eventually he did have to leave, our merrymaking we could not extend.
    I needed to get home anyway, I had some explaining to do, some fences to mend.

    V
    I knew my father was going to be upset as usual; he’d yell and be mad,
    But, instead he barely uttered a word and my mother looked terribly sad.
    He wouldn’t look me in the eyes and spoke with a sloping melancholy frown,
    “You didn’t deliver the scrolls again, that’s the last time you’ll ever let me down.”

    “We’re kicking you out of our house and I can assure you we’re not glad.”
    “You’ll never be a Penmanship, a scribe or a scholar, not even a tad.”
    With one itty bitty mistake, my entire world has been turned upside down,
    I’d been tossed out at sea with no rope, there was no doubt, I was going drown.

    VI
    I’d be off on my own for the very first time; on the bright side, I still had a job.
    My father, as usual had nothing pleasant to say, so insults he began to lob.
    “Portales, you have a very few good qualities, one’s I would have admired,
    As far as work is concerned, you’re always late, lazy and incessantly tired.”

    “We have raised you and taught you, but our generosity you are beginning to rob,
    You’re penmanship; abysmal, you’re work station; disaster, you’re a tremendous slob.
    There were plenty of other applicants, better qualified that I should have hired.
    This is a lesson you’ve needed to learn for a very long time, son, you’re fired.”

    VII
    Thought I could talk my way out of trouble as usual, thought I real was clever,
    I began to realize this wasn’t going to happen, as my parents closed their door forever.
    Out of an open window my possessions began to fly, landing all over the ground,
    Solemnly, I picked up my clothes and my instrument without making a sound.

    Surely, I was qualified to do something else, find a new career, a new endeavor,
    So I went and applied at some town’s other shops and they all told me “NEVER!”
    Seemed my talents weren’t appreciated, so I said goodbye to my friend, see ya around,
    He offered some advice as I left; take the road to Foothold, opportunities a bound.

    VIII
    And so that’s where I’m headed, where great heroes venture and the people are kind,
    I intend write grand songs and epic poems about the valiant warriors that I find.
    Have all that I need; just my journal, a feathered quill and my dusty old lyre.
    Hopefully, with some good fortune, I can accomplish all of my heart’s desire.

    It may be a treacherous journey, there may come a time that I end up in a bind,
    I’ll have to depend on my wits, my cunning and of course, my razor sharp mind.
    I will become a famous bard, everyone will know of me, my wondrous tales will inspire,
    And be told around the tables in all the inns, throughout the frozen land of Markshire.

    *The snow begins to melt when Odin visits Balder in Hel once a year.
    **All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55435
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Alone in Highland Forest

    IX
    I sit on my bedroll alone and afraid, staring into the unyeilding dark,
    Lost somewhere in Highland Forest, surrounded by nothing but bark.
    Oh no! I hear something stirring, coming this way, starting to creep,
    I scamper under my bedroll, without make a sound, not a single peep.

    This should have been safe, a peaceful jaunt through the park,
    Instead I’ll be dinner for a hideous monster and never make it to Stonemark.
    Laying under my bedroll, so afraid I will admit, that I started to weep,
    You would too, with a monster just outside, when there’s no hope of falling asleep.

    X
    So this is how it all ends? Lost in the woods, under a hauntingly black sky,
    I have so many songs and poems I’ve yet to write, it can’t be time for me to die.
    Have to stay awake and alert or the creature will get me, but I’m starting to yawn,
    I am falling asleep, I better do something quick, if I hope to see dawn.

    I know! I will use my greateset weapon, my voice, to scare it away, worth a try,
    Leaping up from under the bedroll I shouted a thunderous manly war cry.
    And there standing at the foot of my camp, an unthreatening baby fawn.
    My cries through the night, war cries that is, had scared it away, for the monster was gone.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55436
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Shopping in Stonemark

    XI
    Safely arriving in Stonemark I was blessed as I entered the city,
    There were ornate temples and large fruit trees, oh so pretty.
    I have taken upon this arduous journey on my own behalf,
    For I have completed most of my trip, well more-like almost half.

    Well groomed pets wander the street, I saw a dog and a kitty,
    And I found a magic shop, I entered the Abbey humming a ditty.
    Asked the shop keep for bardic instruments, all he did was laugh,
    “I only carry the latest in bard items, may I present the bardic staff.”

    XII
    Bought myself that staff, I thought I deserved a nice treat,
    But I still had much of the city to see, many townsfolk to meet.
    Found a wonderful magic scroll shop just past all the cats,
    And I also found a dress shop that had some fancy hats.

    After a long day and no more gold, my shopping was complete,
    But then it seemed I took a wrong turn down a darkened street.
    In this part of town there were no shops or any welcome mats,
    The buildings were falling down and all the pets were dire rats.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55437
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Hey Foothold Let Me In!

    XIII
    Heading East, I think, I hurried along a dark path, it was getting late,
    I finally arrived at Foothold, it was surrounded by a large wooden gate,
    The gate was closed so I pushed on it a bit, the other side had been barred,
    Looking around, I saw noone, wasn’t there suppose to be some kind of guard?

    I sat for a while and sang a soft song, continuing to patiently wait,
    My stomach growled, I’de sure like some stew, been a while since I ate.
    “What do you want?” a voice asked, his tone was throaty and hard,
    “I’de like to go to the inn please, my name’s Portales Penmanship, legendary bard.”

    XIV
    “Never heard of ya,” he quipped, “be careful, the troll Nueghak is about.”
    “Gotta be sure, you ain’t some kind a little troll, or a goblin scout.”
    This was going to be more difficult than I imagined, much to my chagrin,
    “Good sir I am just a gnome and I assure you that I am no troll’s kin.

    High in the distance I could hear commotion and I heard a guard shout,
    “The troll is in the pass! The troll has been spotted in the pass, no doubt!”
    Armor rattled around the town, as the battle was about to begin,
    With a little convincing and some gold, the guard eventually let me in.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55438
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    The Lion of the Pass

    XV
    In Foothold I met with Dustan, a well traveled Ranger, and Roman, a good priest,
    They were preparing for a journey to the city of Bal’ynaz, heading out East.
    Because they so enjoy my wit and my song, they asked me to go with them, to come along.
    I had never traveled through the Thrym mountains, I hoped their trip I wouldn’t prolong.

    I was a little nervous, until Roman told about the inhabitants; an unholy eight headed beast.
    “The Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass!” and as he told me my heart rate greatly increased.
    Dustan and Roman began laughing, thinking the tale was but fiction, they were wrong.
    If there was no eight headed lion, I would make one, I pulled out my lyre and sang them this song;

    I have traveled the vast lands of Markshire, many stories and legends I have come to amass,
    But none as terrifyingly real and vile as the legend of the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    This tale is not for the feignt of heart, some of it’s quite graphic and maybe a little crass,
    For it is a tale of a beast so hideous and ravenous, the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    We were three when we set out from the Foothold gates, three men and not one a lass,
    Heading for the Dwarven City of Bal’ynaz, but very mindful of the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    My Party; Two eager uncouth warriors and I a humble poet and bard, added a touch of class.
    As we set off on our journey hoping not to face the mysterious Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    Eyes watchful my companions drew their swords as we stepped through the last patches of grass,
    We entered the snowy canyon that was known to be the home of the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    I carry no sword, my only weapon my lyre, I started to sing, my companion scolded, “Don’t be an ass!”
    “You’re making too much noise and you’ll bring it upon us”, the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass .

    My companions then berated me, even louder and louder they continued to harass.
    That’s when I heard it, snarling in the middle of the road, the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    A heinous creature with eight hungry salivating lion heads, it’s body a giant hairy mass,
    Without even thinking my companions charged the great beast, the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    Biting and roaring, the beast ate my companions as it shattered their weapons like glass,
    The eight heads fighting over each bite, the shaggy heads of the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    And so I stood alone before the eight lion heads, I bothered to ask, “Any chance I may I pass?”
    “No you may not, only two of us ate, we aren’t full yet” replied the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    “Oh mighty lion with six hungry heads I’m just a small gnome not much of a meal alas,
    I’ll only be food for one your mouths, which is the mightiest?” I asked the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    The heads started to argue then began biting and eating each other, and so with a little sass,
    I was able to escape, as it battled itself, from the bloody and half-eaten Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    I made it back to Foothold without a scratch and wrote this very song, for all other tales it will surpass,
    Cunning, not swords, slayed the beast, ask my companions in the belly of the Eight Headed Lion of Thrym Pass.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55439
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Ode to a Dragonslayer

    XVI
    I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen with my own two gnome eyes,
    Let me share with you a tale of bravery, how a mighty white dragon dies.
    The dragonslayer and I were traveling off the road, through snow cover hills,
    When the dragon descended upon us, it’s evil aura of fear gave me the chills.

    The massive white dragon reared is scaley head and visciously roared,
    The dragonslayer calmly walked towards it, drawing his holy great sword.
    And so I hid behind a tree, when I heard the great wyrm’s fierce sound,
    The dragonslayer never flinched, with a single blow he knocked the dragon to the ground.

    I feared for my life and feared the dragonslayer would end up dead,
    Peaking around the tree, I spied the heroic slayer lop off the dragon’s head.
    I could have never imagined such a feat, I am no sage or predictor,
    For he saved my life that day, all hail the mighty dragonslayer VICTOR!

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55440
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    The Lizard With No Pants

    XVII
    Through deep snow I traveled, through a harsh blizzard,
    To find shelter in a cave, it was occupied by a giant green lizard.
    The lizard did not speak, it just stared as if in a hypnotic trance,
    Then I noticed the unmentionable, the lizard was wearing no pants.

    Oh it had lots of scales, claws, a tail, and an ugly gizzard,
    Turns out it wasn’t just any reptile, it was Mezano, the wizard.
    I had to ask myself this question, if I were given the chance,
    If I had the magical ability, would I walk around with no pants?

    XVIII
    Certainly not it’s indecent, though lizard hide is covered in scale,
    Surely Captain Hillar would have me arrested, I’de be thrown in jail.
    Transmutation magic has always been known as the art of change,
    With word and a gesture your features will begin to rearrange.

    If I were to ever cast such a spell, undoubtably I would fail,
    Instead of becoming a lizard, I would end up as a slimy snail.
    No thank you, I will keep my own bit of magic, I won’t exchange,
    Changing into a naked lizard, HA! We all know wizards are strange.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55441
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Sar Khan: A Portrait of Heroic Heroism

    XIX
    Finally I have met a true Hero he is called the mighty Sar Khan,
    His unyielding courage is equaled by his strength and brawn.
    He is prepared to combat evil in times of peace and of war,
    A mighty battlecry he possesses, more fierce than a lions roar.

    Only to those in dire need of assistance is his heroic spirit drawn,
    He patrols forests and mountains or where ever evil may spawn.
    No telling what this hero can accomplish, how high he can soar,
    Sar truely is a worthy champion of the god of thunder, Thor.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55442
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Do Orcs Eat Pies?

    XX
    To some this may come as a shocking surprise,
    Apparently the Demon Skull Orcs fancy pies,
    My last statement may sound like I have no brains,
    But I found a delicious looking pie on an orc’s remains.

    On the ground next to the dead orc a small sack lies,
    In it a cream pie and botte of glacial water, orc supplies.
    The orc carried no other rations, no meat or grains,
    Just the pure glacial water and pie are all it contains.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55443
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that). The handwriting is so bad, of the next 15 stanzas, only a few of the titles can be read.

    XXI The Orc’s Cave

    XXIII The Orc’s Cave Again

    XXV Where Are All These Orcs Coming From?

    XXVII Geez Cona is Depressing

    XXIX Why Does Everyone Keep Going to the Orc’s Cave?

    XXX The Diansdottr Sister; Which one is which?

    #55444
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Raven the Lute Smasher

    XXXVI
    I traveled with a group wearing black clothing called “Raven’s Gang”
    We headed through the forest and all the while I warily sang,
    Raven, the leader, asked me if her gang I would like to join,
    She promised I would gather tales of heroics and earn much coin.

    They were brutal fighters, and not very heroic, they used offensive slang.
    And that dark Raven had a temper, she smashed my lute with a bang.
    I had a bad feeling about them from the start, deep within my loin,
    They got really upset with me when I told them I would never ever join.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55445
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Champion Sar of Yar and the Necroman-sar

    XXXVII
    Deep beneath the old castle ruins of the sleepy town of called Yar,
    An evil undead scourge was defeated by the mighty hero Sar.
    The castle had been closed along time ago, entrance was forbid,
    Sar traveled right through the grimy old sewer tunnels, he did.

    Below those sewer tunnels, a musty crypt he found, quite bizarre,
    With countless undead zombie hordes, the brave Sar did spar.
    From the sleepy town the vile plague of the necromancer Sar did rid,
    It turned out the necromancer wasn’t a lich or a demon, but just a kid.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55446
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Sun-Ok: A Scurvy Pirate’s Tale

    XXXVIII
    The elven seamstress pirate Sun-Ok is from a land very far,
    She’s from the seas, though I’m not sure where those are.
    Throughout her story she is resourceful and very brave,
    Sun-Ok didn’t start out as a pirate, she was originally a slave.

    The circumstance that got her there was actually quite bizarre,
    She’d been captured by a man called Scurvy, who had a hideous scar.
    Though she did their sewing and she would always behave,
    Cruelty and insults were the only things the pirates ever gave.

    XXXIX
    Eventually Sun escaped and came to Foothold, I’m not sure how,
    She might have walked the plank, or just jumped off the bow,
    I’m sure she is happier now and it seems like Sun is staying,
    She seems uneffected by her ordeal, that’s what she’s portraying.

    I have no idea what the former pirate seamstress slave will do now,
    Hopefully her next endevour will be something the law will allow.
    Unfortuneately the rest of the story she had trouble conveying,
    She doesn’t speak so well, and I can’t understand anything she’s saying.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55447
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Sar Khan defeats the Evil Rubard the Red

    XL
    All hail the hero Sar! An evil villian of Markshire is finally dead,
    Sar has defeated Richard otherwise known to most as the Red.
    A battle between Sar and Retard the Red was fought, it was grand,
    Sar has made it safer for all citizens through out all of the land.

    He was seriously wounded in the fight, from his side he bled,
    Sar should have been hailed as a hero, he was arrested instead.
    There was a trial, though the particulars I don’t quite undersand,
    In the end Sar was right, though his righteousness cost him a hand.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55448
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    The Lost City of Chicken

    XLI
    As we traveled through the desert, the snow continued to thicken,
    Headed to a sunken ancient city of old, Arik the Lost City of Chicken,
    A tale of death and giant chickens, Brother Roman has shared,
    And as we drew closer and closer I admit I was terribly scared.

    When we arrived, it was quiet, our pace then started to quicken,
    Ambushed by the magic missle casting chickens, I was panic striken.
    I have no idea what happened or how against the chickens they faired,
    I hasted my way back to the gate, then this tale of caution I prepared.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55449
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Ode to a Giant Slayer (Sar again)

    XLII
    I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen with my own two gnome eyes,
    Let me share with you a tale of bravery, how a mighty frost giant dies,
    The giantslayer and I were traveling off the road, through snow cover hills,
    When the giant descended upon us, it’s evil aura of fear gave me the chills.

    Face to face with the massive giant the slayer did not hesitate or stammer,
    The giantslayer calmly walked towards it, drawing his enchanted battlehammer.
    And so I hid behind a tree, when I heard the great giant’s fierce sound,
    The giantslayer never flinched, with a single blow he knocked the giant to the ground.

    I feared for my life and feared the giantslayer would end up dead,
    Peaking around the tree, I spied the heroic slayer knock off the giant’s head.
    I could have never imagined such a feat, though I only saw from afar,
    For he saved my life that day, all hail the mighty giantslayer SAR!

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55450
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    The Dragon Who Loved My Singing

    XLIII
    Once upon a time there was a small, but talented singing bard,
    His fellow travelers and adventurers held him in the highest regard.
    On one particular day the bard, we’ll call him Portales, got lost,
    He had some bad luck taking a wrong turn, his own tracks he crossed.

    He could not tell as it was so cold the ground was frozen hard,
    Thinking he’d finally found shelter, Portales let down his guard.
    All alone in a dark cave he sang, his voice would not exhaust,
    Singing and dancing for warmth, melted his away his inner frost.


    XLIV

    Then Portales heard a groaning stretch, much to his surprise,
    Turning around he noticed two darkness piercing red eyes,
    He didn’t know what to do, would the creature be hostile,
    Would it breath flames, cough lightning or spit acidic bile.

    “You little gnome, please keep singing, I will not be your demise.”
    So the dragon liked Portales singing, that’s what he would surmise.
    After each song he sang the dragon would give a toothy smile,
    “I must say Portales I do love your elegant voice and dashing style.”

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55451
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Ballad of Sar and the Missing Child

    XLV

    Poor little brain dead human child,
    You have an endless blank stare,
    The giant evil bug has you beguiled.

    In the town of Yar two parents weep,
    Sar Khan will find your boy there, there
    A mighty hero, his promise he will keep.

    An lying old man’s house we broke into,
    Found some children who weren’t there,
    As far as a mystery goes we’d found a clue.

    Poor little brain dead human child,
    You have an endless blank stare,
    The giant evil bug has you beguiled.

    #55452
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Song of Foothold Friends

    XLVI
    New Friends come and old friends depart,
    I have so many friends, where do I start?

    The always silent Blizzard,
    Kamas Dy’Neren the dark wizard,

    Lipitom’s my kind of weird,
    Braetai has a bright green beard,

    The tobacco spitting Kel,
    Mezano can really cast a spell,

    The elven seamstress pirate Sun,
    That dwarf Durok never has fun,

    Raven is surly and mean,
    Dram Toss can never be seen,

    Ederyn is Foothold’s mayor,
    Belferon is a dragon slayer,

    The Draiman’s skin is blue,
    Erica is a half dragon too,

    Panitha Diansdottir softly speaks,
    Haven’t seen her sisters in weeks,

    Sar Khan’s heroic deeds are grand,
    He has two kids and only one hand,

    Quinne Volick is quick and fleet,
    Faith is still wondering “did Sar cheat?”

    Pubert Fleebish is a brewing fool,
    Opinvu can really craft a jewel,

    Aelswith is noble and good,
    Kayla stays mostly in the wood,

    Matrimis is a wondering scout,
    Doog fights you can hear him shout,

    Traudek is another dwarven grump,
    Evo the orc is pleasantly plump,

    Don’t worry about Reinhart the Red,
    Sar killed him good and dead,

    Roman has a very strong belief,
    Zeb is a masterfully cunning thief,

    Father Tangosz Fjellsen likes to pray,
    Osay Orthan first name is Osay,

    //Nueghak the Troll has become a joke,
    Can’t hurt me, Mule’s computer’s broke//

    Walis the warrior loves to fight,
    Voran Falcona is a holy knight,

    The know it all Monty Three Card,
    And of course me Portales the famous bard!

    All of my friends are good gals and guys,
    If I missed anyone I sincerely apologize.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55453
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    A Night at the Khan Residence

    XLVII
    I, Portales Penmanship, have been where few have tread,
    I’ve stayed in Sar Khan’s house and seen his fancy spread.
    For the Khan’s to have overnight visitors is extraordinary rare,
    The place is deep with the forest and guarded by a giant bear.

    I even got my own spacious room, and I was definitely well fed,
    Faith took care of my, as Sar had almost immediately gone to bed.
    After they went to sleep, I did a little snooping, they are unaware,
    I promise I didn’t touch or break anything, this I swear.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55454
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    One Hand Is All You Need

    XLVIII
    One hand is all you need,
    I don’t intend to mislead,
    Sar has one hand indeed,
    And he will always succeed,
    Expectations he does exceed,
    Surely you agree, please concede,
    One hand is all you need.

    XLIX
    Let us move on, let us proceed,
    I am sure you know if you can read,
    Sar’s hand was cut off, it did bleed,
    For performing a certain deed,
    To the towns judgement he agreed,
    Bravely Sar did not beg or plead,
    This is an lesson you should heed,
    One hand is all you need.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55455
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Sar Stickies the Sheets

    L
    Yes, yes, this is another tale about the mighty hero sar,
    Some might say I’ve written too much of him, I’ve gone to far.
    His status amongst legendary heroes, he is atop the elites,
    He has accomplished great deeds and selfless feats.

    Of all his accounts, this story infact, maybe the most bizarre,
    This takes place, not on the field of battle, but in a seedy bar.
    He is known for his courage, not judgement, for he never retreats,
    How did he end up in a room with honey, a wench and sticky sheets?

    LI
    A precarious situation for Sar to be in, atleast one would think,
    How upsetting, Sar alone with a wench, how low might he sink.
    While he visits this bar, at home Sar has children and a wife,
    If Faith were to misunderstand this tale, it may cause great strife.

    As I sit and to write this tale, with my quill and my ink,
    It occurred to me, I have no idea how much Sar had to drink.
    One thing is certain; it was a lot, He’s drank much in his life,
    Balancing his heroics, his family and drinking on the edge of a knife.

    LII
    Sar was actually traveling home, when a storm began to loom,
    He wisely sought some shelter or it would have been his doom.
    The snow began to harden, the ground began to freeze,
    Sar found the Beeswax inn, catching a cold he entered with a sneeze.

    For several hours, a strange sweet ale, he continued to consume,
    Some how Sar, some honey and the wench end up in a room.
    And Yes the sheets ended up sticky, the wench on her knees,
    But it wasn’t what it seemed, they’d been attacked by killer bees.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    **A note in the margin reminds Portales he promised Sar not to write about killer bees

    #55456
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Sar and the Plum Bandits

    LIII
    I raised the alarm, I warned them, and tried to get them to come,
    To stop to these awful bandits, who’s leader, smelled like a plum.
    But Panitha, Sun and Kayla ignored me, just continued to chat,
    “Bandits stealing plums, Portales who would believe that?”

    They thought my tale of caution was unbelievably dumb,
    They prefered conversing, instead of stopping these scumb.
    Yakking about nonsense, animals, a bear, a wolf and even a cat,
    I’d had enough of this yapping, so I stomped off like a brat.

    LIV
    I went to the Red Dragon with the hopes of a hero I could find,
    A famous inn where the brave and hearty come to unwind.
    Storming into the place, the door opened with a loud clunk,
    Looking around, the inn was nearly empty, who would have thunk.

    Once again, I met with a fellow musician, our paths intertwined,
    He recounted his tale, then I asked around for help, most declined.
    I’de have been happy with a warrior, an archer, or even a monk,
    But instead, I ended up with a slurring wizard, who was drunk.

    LV
    Mezano and I left the Red Dragon Inn, heading for the road,
    Traveling with an intoxicated wizard, your progress is slowed.
    And then my prayers were answered, a hero stood near the gate,
    It was mighty Sar Khan, who was sober, surely this was fate.

    Hearing of the bandits he joined us, his presence he bestowed,
    This had the makings of an epic poem or atleast an ode.
    Unbelievably, Panitha and Sun continued to talk and debate,
    They finally joined us, a formidable band I helped create.

    LVI
    As we traveled Mezano continued to drink ale, as did Sun,
    I suppose that’s not too unusual, for Pirates drinking is fun.
    They belched loudly and they burped as we trotted along,
    They left a trail of ale bottles, some might see that as wrong.

    Mezano chugged bottle after bottle and Sun would not be outdone,
    While the wizard was stumbling a bit, she had only just begun.
    When traveling some might read, converse or even sing a song,
    But getting plastered? On the road some habits don’t belong.

    LVII
    We eventually reached the Candlewax Inn, our goal was in sight,
    Sar pulled out his mighty hammer, he is always ready for a fight.
    Everyone searched the grounds, but I found the front door ajar,
    We went in, the drunks too, perhaps they thought it was a bar.

    As they battled the hordes of bandits, I stopped so I could write,
    Sar struck down the plum smelling leader with all of his might.
    Luckily Mezano, didn’t miss with his spells, he couldn’t see very far,
    And none of us would be able to eat a plum today, if not for Sar.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55457
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    The Hero I See (a song about Sar)

    LVIII

    Let me tell you all about Sar, the greatest hero I ever saw,

    He always charges into battle, refusing to withdraw,

    His legendary strength is unmatched and his power raw,

    To see him engaged in combat you’de certainly be in awe,

    He’s close to the perfect warrior, he has but one flaw,

    He’s missing one hand, he doesn’t even have a hook or claw,

    It happen some time ago, some trouble with the law,

    Despite having only one good hand , his hammer he can still draw,

    One day he will rid us all of Thyrm, and all the land will thaw.

    *Beneath each line of the song several unreadable musical notes are scribbled
    **All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that)

    #55458
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Kel’s Song

    LIX
    (Chorus)
    She’s a mighty warrior her name is Kel,
    Her charm has put me under her spell,
    What she’s chewing you can’t tell,
    She’s a mighty warrior her name is Kel.

    Out of the mountains she has come,
    A fearsome warrior she has become,
    Chewing tobacco like it were gum,
    She beats on her enemies like a drum.

    (Chorus)
    She’s a former barbarian her name is Kel,
    Her charm has put me under her spell,
    What she’s chewing you can’t tell,
    She’s a former barbarian her name is Kel.

    She spits tobacco, she spits all around,
    Spits in temple all over the ground,
    Too much in her mouth must be a pound,
    Her manners famous her class renowned.

    (Chorus)
    She’s a tobacco chewer her name is Kel,
    Her charm has put me under her spell,
    What she’s chewing you can’t tell,
    She’s a tobacco chewer her name is Kel.

    From the priests she takes some abuse,
    She does as she pleases makes no excuse,
    Her clothing is stained with tobacco juice,
    No finer woman could Markshire produce.

    (Chorus)
    She’s a refined lady her name is Kel,
    Her charm has put me under her spell,
    What she’s chewing you can’t tell,
    She’s a refined lady her name is Kel.

    Kel slays frost and stone giants with ease,
    Entering their temple she does as she please,
    She spits on their statues and cuts off their knees,
    She can kill anything with grace and expertise.

    (Chorus)
    She’s a mighty warrior her name is Kel,
    Her charm has put me under her spell,
    What she’s chewing you can’t tell,
    She’s a mighty warrior her name is Kel.

    She’s a former barbarian,
    A tobacco chewer,
    A refined lady,
    She’s a mighty warrior, her name is Kel!

    *Beneath each line of the song several unreadable notes are scribbled
    **All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that)

    #55459
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Summoners Duel

    LX
    Here at the outskirts of Foothold I sit and I wait,
    Where Kamas and Mezano will soon decide their fate.
    Both skilled mages each from a different school,
    Each can only summon three monsters that is the rule.

    This all started at the Red Dragon with a friendly debate,
    It would seem that this situation I helped create.
    It turned into an argument, that I admit I helped fuel,
    Shhh! They are about to begin the summoners duel.

    LXI
    Kamas is dressed neatly in the finest elven attire,
    Mezano has been drinking and looks as if he’ll easily tire.
    There were no protective spells cast, not a single ward,
    The sorcerers began summoning, all other spells were ignored.

    Kamas begins by conjuring a rather large tiger, I believe dire.
    In a puff of smoke Mezano summons an elder elemetal of fire.
    As the tiger’s fur was burned away, it loudly roared,
    Kamas immediately created a great black magical sword.

    LXII
    Seeing the floating sword I knew the elemental was through,
    The poor fire elemental was sliced cleanly in two.
    Scattered around the fields were small fires burning red,
    Mezano still had two summons left, he was still ahead.

    Mezano paused for a moment thinking what he should do,
    He called on his old friend Charlie to make his debut.
    A swirling mist produced a warrior mummy, member of the undead,
    And wouldn’t you know that magical sword the mummy did shred
    .

    LXIII
    Only able to use his own magic, with out a staff or a scroll,
    Kamas raised his arms and in the clouds formed a great hole.
    The wind whipped, as giant wings flapped causing a powerful gale,
    The ground shook as it landed, a Red Dragon, all covered in scale.

    Kamas strained as the powerful wyrm was difficult to control,
    Then the dragon ended the battle swallowing Charlie whole.
    Mezano simply shrugged, knowing he could not possibly prevail,
    He used his final summon, “I am going to the inn to conjure up an ale.”

    **All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that)

    #55460
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Drinking Contest

    LXIV
    The mugs are all filled to the brim, so let the game begin,
    With so many good contestants I can’t fathom who will win.
    The entrants are allowed to start only after the clang of the bell,
    This is a drinking contest with a grand prize, I wish them all well.

    Mezano, Durok, Barrelgore and Zeb all sit with a devious grin,
    The bride to be squirms anxiously, much to her chagrin,
    The excitement builds and the patrons begin to chant and yell,
    For the winner shall take the hand of the fair maiden Kel.


    LXV

    Ding! The bell sounds loudly and everyone starts to chug,
    Inhaling the ale as if it were some sort of highly addicitve drug.
    All five of the contestants furiously continue to consume,
    There is also a free room at stake for the bride and groom.

    The cheering becomes so boisterous my ears I am forced to plug,
    With a loud crash the winner slams down an empty bone dry mug.
    Silence, everyone stops and the other contestants glare and fume,
    Kel is the winner! Looks like she won’t have to share that free room.

    **All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55461
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Marvelous Merlot

    LXVI
    I met Pubert a gnomish brewer today who’s specialty is wine,
    I agreed to try some, though I usually only do so when I dine.
    The wine had a delightful smell and the perfect burgundy hugh,
    Told him it was quite good and I was sure to say thank you.

    He said he only used best grapes from the finest vine,
    Pubert said he had more coming and the taste he would refine.
    I agreed to find a catchy name for his wine, but I had much to do,
    So Pubert headed off to the brewery, as he himself had much to brew.

    Pubert’s Pinot Perfection
    Burgundy Blast Elixer
    Marvelous Merlot
    Grape Dragon Blood Cabernet

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).
    **below the entry are scribbled several names for a wine. Several are crossed out.

    #55462
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    Scavenger Hunting My Party

    LXVII
    Today is Winter Harvest Moon and that means scavenger hunt,
    The contest began in Stonemark near the northern gate, up front.
    I joined with Panitha and Aunt Loli, their company they bestowed,
    They asked me to tag along and if perhaps I’de write an ode.

    The clues were challenging, some were easy and quite blunt,
    So the three of us headed to Spinehold, two ladies and a runt.
    Panitha speaks softly, and she supposedly follows a strict code.
    She disappeared shortly after we left the Spinehold Road.

    LXVIII
    Loli said Panitha ran off to look for her friend, the Pirate Sun,
    It seemed a bit odd as the scavenger hunt had only just begun.
    Perhaps something happened and I’ve simply misunderstood,
    The vile goblins may have gotten her, not possible, she’s to good.

    I feel like I’m harping on this, but her teammates she did shun,
    Our team was really effective and we even had some fun.
    Well I wouldn’t have abondoned by mates I certainly never could,
    Not in the middle of the forest surrounded by goblins and wood.

    LXIX
    We made it out of the Narlinwyk alive, I wasn’t doing so terrific,
    Ran into a bit of trouble, Loli used her fists, she’s quite prolific.
    She punches, chops and kicks, trained in the arts of combat,
    And is she fast, I would turn around, and she’d run off like a cat.

    And then it seemed what happened next was quite horrific,
    We’de gone to the wrong place, the clue was vague and unspecific.
    Going all the way to the Cona mines would you believe that,
    When we had passed right by the place, the forges of Zairat.


    LXX

    The next clue took us to the sleepy little town of Yar,
    There isn’t much to the town save for a temple and an old bar.
    It was at this point that I noticed Aunty Loli disappear,
    I had no idea where she’d went, but it certainly wasn’t here.

    Two of my companions gone now, it seemed quite bizarre,
    Hope nothing bad happened and I wonder how they are.
    I have to continue on and not give up, I must persevere,
    Descending into the sewers, my only companion now was fear.

    LXXI
    I traveled to a cave and eventually a glistening tower,
    I kept my singing loud and my spirits did not sour.
    Would you believe it? I all by myself found the next clue,
    And despite the dangers I even found the next one too.

    I felt a sense of great accomplishment and even a little power,
    I’m an expert scavenger hunter see, as all the land I did scour.
    I found six gold tokens and lost two companions, this is all true,
    It’s a good thing I was hunting tokens, and not hunting my crew.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

    #55463
    Avatar
    Portales
    Member
    • Markshire PCs:

    The One Eyed Knight

    LXXII
    As many know I about travel the land and great heroes I seek,
    Those rare souls that extinguish evil’s flame and protect the weak.
    I saw a man who’s mastery of fighting stopped me in my tracks,
    He wore blood red armor, an eye patch and weilded a flaming axe.

    The red knight had slayn a troll with one blow, flawless technique,
    I wanted to know more about him, so I attempted to speak.
    When writing about a hero it is important to get all of the facts,
    To get them to open up and feel comfortable, and mostly to relax.

    LXXIII
    “Excuse me good sir knight, I am Portales and all the land I roam,
    Searching for great heroes to inscribe their tales in my tome.”
    He had a stern look, and walked with purpose and class,
    Certainly I found a hero, surely my expectations he would surpass.

    He did not even slow continuing on, I assumed heading home,
    As he walked right by me he let out a surly growl, “Piss off gnome.”
    And so the red knight walked off and said nothing more alas,
    It seemed I was mistaken, he was no hero, just an armored ass.

    *All script is hastily scrawled in an illegible (and incredibly lazy) handwriting (if you can call it that).

Viewing 30 posts - 1 through 30 (of 47 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.